April 30th, 2012by sunshinepark
I guess I should start from the beginning. My name is Sunshine. Well not really, but its an alias. I don’t care if my punctuation is that great either. I have been there. Maybe my life hasn’t been as bad as a lot of people, but I am fighting my own demons. I have always felt like an outsider. I have a list of things wrong with me. I don’t currently take any medication for anything either. I have attempted suicide as well as have cut in the past. I still get very depressed every so often. And I don’t like talking about it because a lot of the times I don’t even know why I am depressed. It just happens. But when I get depressed I care about nothing at all and get pretty suicidal. I got to the point where I usually just go off on people to, because I usually am easilyÂ irritated too. Not to mention my anxiety. I get panic attacks every so often to. It just makes life harder. Then let’s talk about my family. They don’t care. Honestly. I’m not even joking. When ever I try to tell my mom about my feelings or try to talk to anyone for that matter they just ignore me. My mom she just ignores me and pretends nothing is wrong. I hate it. I pretty much never go out anymore either. Not like I ever had a life. I sometimes wonder why I am even alive. I live for my nieces. They mean the world to me. I also live for my few friends. Though I sometimes stop talking to people when I am depressed. And I never cry in front of people. I don’t know why. I do cry a lot when I am alone though. But I realized things, even though I still get depressed and I don’t know what will happen. But I wanna try and take life one day at a time. I am a strong believer in love and peace. I do trust too easily but I see that as a good thing and a bad thing. I also am very empathetic to the point where I cry for days for someone. I understand others feelings very well. I remember when I went to my first funeral. It like hit me out of no where. I was bawling my eyes out and it felt like I was feeling everyone else’s feelings for them. It’s a blessing sometimes. I love caring for others. I wanna be able to help people in the future. I wanna be someone who will love you for who you are. I will always be here. I sometimes however wonder why I am soÂ optimistic sometimes. But I consider myself to be a optimistic realist. I know that might not make complete since but I understand all the realness of a situation but I also know there is a goodness too. I may be a dreamer too. But I like living my life that way. I wannaÂ Â spread love all over the world. Who ever is reading this. I love you. I think you are absolutely amazing. I am happy you are alive. I am so happy in fact I am crying as I write this. Even though I barely know you at all. I would happy very happy if I could walk threw this world with you. I am someone you can always trust in.
((ps;; let’s be friends? C: )