So i woke up today , i was actually happy . My mom wasn’t home , she was at the store .. I was home alone ,in a long time . My stepfather , he’s in finland . So i started to listen to some music . I danced , i laughed , i SMILED . I don’t know why , but i was just happy .:)
AAAAND THEN, my mom came home , and the minute she walked in … i turned the music off , closed my door , and stoped smileing .
I’ve listen to three days grace , sentce then , […]
April 2012
I was with the love of my life for 6 years. We loved eachother so much, were wedding planning and never had arguments, just healthy discussions.Â
For the last year of that I became very sick. I am motion sick 24/7 for over a year. I was suicidal. My boyfriend was as strong as he could be, caring for me, but couldn’t take the suicidal thing. He cheated on me 3 times with the same girl. He said he hated it, had no interest in her and struggled to get it up everytime, it was just an escape. He stopped and started seeing a therapist. […]
Im crying out to my familly to listen.
No one understands i cant take it. Ive been through so much in my life and no one is here to help me breack free from it.My mum is a foster carer and treats the foster kids better then her own, she spends more time with them, listens and talks but whenever i need help and support she dosnt have time or she acts like she understands so i dont keep talking and gets offensive. My mum helps everyone but forgets about her own. I lend everyone money and im sick of it my brother lost his job […]
So theres this girl that I’m crazy about, I’ve got a date with her on Friday, so I’m just going to try to make it until Friday. Just 6 more days…
Tonight we had our own “fight club†for the first time. I got the text invitation just as I was thinking about swallowing all the pills in my medicine cabinet…it seemed like a nice alternative to a suicide attempt, so I agreed. Call them odd for emulating such an idea, but it beats the hell out of pumping iron at the tool cage on the ASU Tempe campus, I guess. There were only six of us behind the abandon furniture store across from the tracks, but it was more than enough to get things rolling. The energy was immense…like doing lines of blow at the […]
So this is a pic , of me . I guess , so i look happy .? Nah , i was crying about 4 minutes after this pic was taken … Im at my friends house here actually , my mom was beating me  ,so i ran away from home ,and went to her place …
I’m manic depressive, maybe borderline. There’s this girl I love very deeply, but she does and says these things to me. A small fight, and it escalates, she’s inconsolable. She’s under a lot of stress I know, and she’s a good person basically. She’s combative. I apologize, but I don’t mean it. I console her, but do a bad job. I sulk, because I can’t console her, and I’m supposed to. I feel like a piece of shit. I feel that I don’t have anybody left to open up to. If I say so she gets pissed that I feel that way. Why is she […]
So I was going to text you, but I figured you wouldn’t want your phone going off at 4am.
At one point in time I actually believed that dreams can come true for anyone as long as you believed in it. It’s quite interesting how life’s circumstances and situations can drastically change one’s mine set.
I sit here, sleepless as always, but thinking tremendously on my dreams and how unobtainable they are at this point. I used to believe that they were simple dreams, not far from reach; but now they’re just completely impossible. They say never give up; once you have seen your opportunity […]
Don’t tell me you know my sadness if you’ve never felt it. Don’t tell me you know the emptiness in my heart if you’ve ever seen it. Don’t tell me you know what I feel if you’ve never asked. Don’t try, just don’t even try. Because I have had enough of your lies, that you know me. That you care about me and are “There for me” Screw that. I know you better than that. I may not know EVERYTHING about you, but I know you well enough to know that you only care about your drugs and your beer. IF you really cared, you would […]
i fell in love with this one girl her name was samantha right from the bat i knew she was suicidal but that did not stop me… i thouhgt she could help me escape… she and i were very similar in many ways… people would tell me we were soulmates… we were sappose to die together that was the plan…but i wanted to finish something before i died she had agreed that she would wait for me and she did… little i knew the more she waited the more her pain… our pain grew… i told her to use my body in hwat ever she […]
to begin, i don’t even know why i’m bothering to write here. desperation, i guess.
on the internet i broke away from communities, i got involved in some pretty nasty self-detrimental whole weight issue ones and though
that whole communal thing was great ultimately it just led to health deterioration. i kind of got out of it, i mean i’m still alive.
i’ve already tried once: to do that whole self-dying thing. it didn’t work. i woke up, rolled out of bed, and went to my eight hour shift/job at the time.
continued on as if it were a normal day. i didn’t think i’d wake up, […]
i feel used by my friends its like they would only call me when they need me… but not once have they ever took the time out of there worlds to ever say whats wrong or to even notice that im in pain inside…. they just think im being just my regular self, but if only they knew what twisted chaos that goes inside my head… i know for a fact they could leave me… everyone leaves me… so y should i bother to stay in the unloved world when im being used by the people who i should trust… if only i had my […]
Hey kids, here’s some advice: if you feel like killing
yourself, do it. Do it as soon as you can, because life and society will take
everything from you as you get older. It will even take your desire to kill
yourself. That may sound like a good thing, but it isn’t. You will lose the
will to kill yourself, but not the root emotions that made you consider suicide
in the first place. You will still feel like shit, but will lack the passion
and ambition to actually solve it with suicide.
You may see signs of physical weakness in the adults around
you, but […]
The birds must think we’re all a bunch of idiots. We have this wonderful little planet all to ourselves, and we’ve divided it into little sections. We build walls and fences, and we draw lines in the sand. We build little cages around ourselves. We use all of our energy trying to keep Them out, and trying to keep Us in. It’s a waste of time. We waste much of our time trying to make temporal things eternal. We try to fight our own mortality by constructing things that we hope will last forever. But after we die, our creations turn to dust. Birds know […]
Things have been static for me for several months … but i feel a pall slowly gathering around me. Â a sad, uneasy feeling of inevitability … I hope I’m wrong.
been known to be wrong dawg
Your mom finally knows the real me now..suicdal..n she says she dont want you to be with me cuz of that but what do you want..u laughed when she told you that..and you say “I’m glad every1 is starting to see the real me” so what your saying is you want people to make you break up wit me or something cuz im pretty sure they’re guna tell you that…every1 has there limits babe
Im feeling better than I was earlier but I still feel like shit. Wondering if tonight is the night….. Depends on what happens when I tell my dad what happened. If hes even sober enough to understand english…
When I am somehow surprised that I am living with a control freak narcissistic person and that I will be hurt repeatedly until I find a better life
When I ignore for too long what matters to me, what feels good even if I can’t feel it at the moment
When I don’t make a plan, a strategy to try consistently to get someplace better than I am now
Forget there is more compassion in the world than I experience at home or have ever at home …OK so there is less also but mostly there is more because the human race would not have survived this friggen […]
These days you hear about self harmers cutting because they’re depressed or suicidal or get that rush to feel alive, but today, are there self harmers who just do it for the pleasure or like to watch the blood pour out of you?? i self harm because im depressed not because i like to watch the blood or anything. do people do that? just because they like blood or that feeling??