i just want to die, i have at this precise moment in time nothing to live for. nothing…. no-one. i am crying so  much, it hurts so much, living shouldnt have to be like this…. it just hurts so much, if i could say farewell now i would, but i cant not yet
April 2012
I’ve started cutting again. I forgot how much better it makes me feel. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I decided to ride the bus home today, rather than walking. The bus driver is very nice, but the students are cruel. I’m not handling it well. It’s not goodbye, i’ll try to hold on a little longer. Maybe try to make friends. But right now, my method of coping will be to continue cutting, and writing these. So for now, this is my only post of the day. I’d keep you all updated, but I don’t want to be annoying. So I hope you all have a […]
Ugh!
I hate this! My friends know I’m in pain but don’t seem to care, I just finished puking and bruising myself in the bathroom. I guess they didn’t hear anything. And if they did I guess they didnt care :/ I have great friends hey? Ones who always put me down and tell me all they things I can change about myself… That chewing my nails isn’t attractive. Well my boyfriend finds it cute! So that’s good enough for me! God can’t they realize I’m very sensitive?! My one guy friend can. He told me he’s always careful about what he says becuz he doesn’t […]
Hello SP.
I have met alot of great people on this site, some were in serious trouble and some just needed someone to listen. And up until now it was always me doing the counseling and i think i have helped most of the new friends i have made. But a new friend has helped me move forward with my life, I have felt guilty for years for the mistakes ive made, but i am starting to get past it now. And now i dont even know if she is ok.
she got into my heart and even the thought of her death is just world shattering, it […]
Everybody hurts each and every individual, cheats on somebody, loved somebody, ruined somebodys life etc
Just got to face the fact that you cant go back into tim, cant say or do things you wish you have said or did
Face the fact that you have to learn to forget or forgive even both in some situations…its hard but for me its worth trying!
time: set.
date: set.
method: set.
will power to stay alive: gone.
reason to stay alive: none.
goodbye world and all who inhabit it.
it was a nice ride while it lasted. (ha, i crack myself up.)
Oh look, the window is open and I am in the 9. Floor. Enough distance to the ground for me. What would people say if I will go mad? Hey mom! Your son is in a psychiatric institution. What would all the people think? I wish I would die now. NOW! FUCK FOR SAKE I CAN’T FORGET YOU ….. and I can barely live without you. No one left for me. Can’t see a reason for being on earth anymore. I know where you were some hours ago. I know I was invited too. Why didn’t I came with you? WHY THE FUCK did I […]
life sucks. seriously people just wanna make me  walk away and hopefully just die..i cant take being laughed at for the world’s stupidest things. if i knew life was going to be this fucked i wish i had the choice to never have been born..though it doesnt work that way:/ but since this fucked up life brought me here…and i was given one wish i would wish that i can have another chance. why must be this my one chance at life and its fucked. geezus people piss me off, they dont get me cuz i fake everything…i can hide myself crying in public..nobody notices. […]
Sitting here in my dorm, crying uncontrollably, I find out that I have no true friends. They all just come and go, and stare at me in passing. I can hear them in the hall talking about me, hear them making all these plans that help them avoid me. I am so sick of it. I just want out. I just want everything to end. I just want to make them all happy by leaving their lives forever.
I know I’m depressed. There’s nothing particularly wrong with my life. Nothing gives me pleasure any more. It’s been like this over six years now. I’ve tried essentially every antidepressant, every psychotherapy and several experimental treatments. I’m about to have ECT.
I probably have 30+ years of life ahead of me. I can’t spend it like this. My goal is not to have to in a way that results in minimal harm to others.
Making it look like an accident would probably minimize harm. How do I do that?
Suggestions?
“None of us deserving of the cruelty or the grace.”
This line from the song “Come Healing,” is probably my favorite collection of words that I have ever heard. Â From the album Old Ideas by Leonard Cohen. Â If you’re not familiar with Leonard Cohen, he is the gentleman who penned the song “Hallelujah.” Â I know that song is far played out, but I’m pretty sure this man has been where we have.
Kurt Cobain referenced him in regards to his own suicide.
I had a dream that I met him. Â The dream was so intense that I tried to open my eyes to make sure it wasn’t a […]
Things that people tell me all lead to your demise. Trapped in a dying circle, let love set a fire. Not going to let you down this time. And now I’m falling. Running out of time. And nobody knows who I really am. I’ve never felt this empty before. So who’s going to comfort me, and keep me strong? It always seems like I’m all alone. Surrounded by millions of faces. And when I open the final lock, all that didn’t make it out was hope. In the last moments, what will my heart really feel? Explosion on the sky-blue grass. Lines the walls, colorful […]
I am just sitting here and I just randomly start crying… I wanna just cut or kill myself so that I don’t cry anymore…. I hate crying…. I grew up learning that it was wrong to cry and that we couldn’t talk about anything… So I don’t talk to anyone about it… I wish that I could….. I wanna just open my arm and bleed out… Idk anymore
Every doctor pretty much makes it seem as though if you take this medicine, everything will get better. Sadly, that ain’t the truth. I have been taking medicine since I was in 6th grade and look at me. I am STILL depressed and I STILL have a lot of anxiety and anger. Can medicine really help you? No. It can help you a little. It can slightly make you happier and slightly less anxious, but that’s not always the case. When I cry, I can’t stop crying for about an hour. My anxiety gets so bad that I shake to the point that I can’t […]
I’m tired of this hocus pocus hogwash mentality that people have with females/male interaction. Â The act of sexual intercourse is viewed with such a “taboo” image that it’s hard to get past the poster of it all. Â I was raised very conservative, going to church daily (as in 7 days a week), raised with the typical Christian “pre-marital sex is bad, drugs are bad, alcohol is bad.” Â Needless to say, that has all gone away, more so as I descend into the pits of hell. Â But one thing still really bothers me. Â The idea of sex. Â It ruins relationships before they even begin! Â I moved […]
I had my first psychiatrist appointment Wednesday. After three long years of suffering, I was finally diagnosed with depression,given anti depressents and told I need counseling. I cant express how much of a relief it is, even if my mom kept crying after it. Im still in pain from how I hurt him and i doubt he will ever forgive me, but I realize its time to forgive myself. I want to thank all of you for well everything&anything. Im still scared but im more optomistic that maybe i wont consider suicide everyday
I know that it is hard being Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, Transgender, or Intersex. I know because I am bi-sexual. My family and most of the people I know don’t understand how it is and don’t really accept me. They think that it is wrong and that I should be straight because it the the “right” thing. I don’t give a fuck if it you think it’s right or not. I am NOT changing who I am just for you. I like the way I am. I prefer girls more than boys because I have been hurt by mostly guys, but that’s not the same for […]
Last week was my second time trying to commit suicide… I was crying and couldn’t stop because I felt unloved and unwanted. My self-confidence dropped to 0% and I couldnt talk to anyone about it. I felt as if no one understood what i was going through. My left arm is permanently scarred all the way down on the bottom and it reminds me of what I did…. I kinda wish that I did it deeper… There seems to be nothing good about me. I battle the urge to just Over Dose on any pills or slit my arms and wrists. I just don’t want […]
all my hopes came to an end yesterday …
With tough heart I am leaving ….
I wish every one in this world finds a reason to worth living ….
(simplest blog .. but what do you expect of a man in his final minutes … )
Take care, remember you are not alone … there are 1000s out thier who are like you ….
Try your best to find happiness … who am I to say this, isnt it? I am just a coward …
but I wish, no one would fall in my situation ….
My intial post:
http://suicideproject.org/author/rajeshs16/
and finally the time has arrived […]