April 30th, 2012by the Guardian
Middle of the night you wake up, sweaty, confused, afraid. That same old feeling of dread hits you. Why can’t you sleep? Every night it’s the same fuckin thing.
You wake up hating yourself and wishing you were dead, you start to think of Cutting, that always works.
But tonight Cutting doesn’t help, you are overwhelmed by a strong hatred for your life and a desperate need to kill yourself.
You remember the Plan
You dig around, it’s here somewhere, you wrote it yourself, you knew it would come in handy one of these days.
As you read your own hand writing you are drawn to a happier time. You had help, you had hope. You planned for this moment and now you read your own words across the page.
“Nothing loves you like I do…
So follow our plan…”
The plan isn’t what you expect. I’m not talking about about some ridiculously expense way to do the dirty work that old age is supposed to take care of.
This is a safety plan kids…
Yeah I been reading your little website here for a bit and I can’t help noticing that in all talk of planning, no one talks about planning what to do when you feel like shit next time instead of bleeding out like a hero falling on a sword.
So here it is kids, plain and simple.
Make a Plan
A Safety Plan
When you are feeling strong, and hopefully with the help of a well meaning friend, I call them Mentors, sit down and write a safety plan.
The plan has three parts and each part is divided into two.
The first part is all about what you can do right now, alone, to help yourself feel better and the second half of the first part is all about who can you call right now, yup even in the middle of the night.
The second part is all about what you can do the next day to make yourself feel better, and the second half of the second part is about who can I call the next day.
The third part is about what can you o in the next week to feel better and the second half of the third part is about who can you call in the next week.
Ok your fuckin lost, lemme spell it out;
Middle of the night, feel like shit, I should:
Part one A, hug my teddy, drink hot cocoa and masturbate (hey it’s your body!)
Part one B, call friend who said she would listen, call help line.
Part two A, go to gym, go window shopping, eat healthy.
Part two B, call family and friends if they don’t suck, call doctor, call therapist.
Part three A, visit friends or church or special place, go to doctor/Therapist
Part three B, call clubs to join, call support group, call people you are losing touch with.
Here are the rules:
It must be your plan!
It must be stuff that works for you.
Part One must include people you can actually call in the middle of the night and stuff you can actually do, this website for example.
Get creative, build a fort in your house and hide when you feel bad!
“Oh Guardian, your so smart!”
Yeah yeah, I know, now get to work helping yourselves.