This site is literally the last stop for many before they take the final step. Reading post could very well be the last thing some person ever did before committing. I am honored to read their sentiments as it is something they have shared with me but couldn’t with anyone else. That is a privilege.
May 2012
So i know this might get annoying but i think im going to start posting on here. My parents always find my diary so im going to just vent and hope for the best….
IÂ throw up alot now……
Cuttting isnt so bad
Also suicide has kicked back in
may 29
I don’t think many people can help, this is just for support and sharing. If I could help anything I wouldn’t be on this site. Once in a while someone who is fine comes here to help others but mostly others are as lost and desperate as you
I am loosing everyone. I lost my best friend since i can remember and now i lost my other best friend. She is pushing me away and i dont know why. i asked her but all she says that she doesnt mean to and that she is not mad and that nothing is wrong but i know something must be happening. Oh fu**ing god, and also my friend that is like my brother since i can remember says that i lied to him, spread rumors, hit him and insulted when i did none of that. sooo whatever i mean what can i do to change […]
I have the option of taking discounted driving lessons through school. I am one of the few people my age who flatly rejected this offer. I don’t want to learn to drive. There are a few reasons for this that I’ve explained to people- traffic freaks me out and I’m scared of somehow killing someone- but although both are true, the main reason I don’t want to drive is the temptation.
If I had a car and the ability to drive, it would be all too simple to purposely crash into a wall or something really fast (although I’d never let it kill another, I’d make […]
honest to god, i hate my family. for several reasons. i guess the main one is that they’re all really condescending and do pretty much whatever they can to make my life hell. im not exaggerating, my father got on my case this morning for deciding to eat breakfast. my sisters are just as bad, as they seem to have a bit of an inability to keep off my fuckin’ case. my mom is a bit better, but she’s always asking the wrong questions when i get depressed and reminding me of my self-injury when all i want to do is forget about it.
now school is going to be getting […]
So I finally get to hang out with my best friend again..who has always been optimistic and for that I love her! But since shes already depressed because of recent guy trouble and Ive already been depressed months because of guy things..We just decided to have a pity party and feel bad for each other.
Probably not an effective method of dealing with stuff..but eh it works.
I have another family outside my real one. They are my Spanish emmersian group from school, but lately I realize that they are not what they seem, and they get crueler everyday. But now I’m not so sure I love them anymore. I have known everyone there for 9 years and I’m not sure I can put up with them any more.
Also my best friends mom died of breast cancer and it’s made me so sad and depressed. I know I shouldn’t be talking because her family probably feels worse, bu I can’t help thinking that I should meet her […]
I hate your touch
I hate your smellÂ
I hate your walkÂ
I hate the way you talk
I hate your mom
I hate your dad
I hate your brother who assumed I was bad
I hate the lord for making someone like you
I hate him for bring me to you
I hate how you made me love you
I hate how you took my heart away
I hate how you broke it
I hate how you left it
I hate how you never said you were sorry
I hate you for everything you did to me
I hate you for making me hate […]
I’m thinking that if I do commit suicide, it would be pills. I’m afraid that I will puke them up though, but there are a lot around me house so if I take a ton of different ones it might work.
For anyone who is feeling suicidal, would you please answer the following questions?
Please tell me if:
1. You have never taken medication for depression
2. You are taking medication but it is not helping you
I would also be interested to know:
A. If you have taken medication, what has been your experience with it? Are you still
waiting for it to work? Have you tried many kinds but nothing has helped you yet?
B. If you have never taken medication for depression, what is your reason? Under
what conditions would you agree to get on medication?
I am someone who did not believe medication would help me when I was […]
Hi Guys
I am back. It has been an odd couple of weeks since I was last here and posted. I want to share the story though, maybe it helps others who are feeling similar and wondering what it all means. I have definitely not got the answer though.
My last post was about how weak I was, how I thought I was strong but I couldn’t stay anymore. I cleared out my office at work that weekend. I spent a lot of time getting rid of EVERYTHING and also making sure that there was nothing of ME left anymore. I wanted to make it all as […]
What a watchful eye. Not a moment is there just for myself.
Those who I confide in my outer most opinion know nothing of my inner pain or what I really think. Those who I have believe I can share this with are no longer the high points of my life. I’m too personal, well I would if anyone took the interest. No one wants the opinion of a 16 year old with all the gadgets and a loving girlfriend. He has the life, what’s to complain about. IM ALONE! I’m fucking alone damnit! What do you care? You don’t! Bu still I will listen […]
So my roommate dared me to post my story, my whole story. He doesn’t think it’s that bad. I think it’s horrible. And I don’t want to live much longer a life that isn’t mine.
I’d say I had a fairly ‘normal’ up bringing. I had a really close family that was always supportive and loving. Never any abuse in my family of any sort that I am aware of. We had traditions, etc. I have been experiencing signs of depression since the age of 12 or so (I am 31 now.). I have always been a computer savvy person, and have had computer jobs during […]
I’m 16 and currently go to high school. My mother tends to nag on me and yell at me a lot since I enjoy spending my free time playing games. She does not enjoy the way I spend my time and calls me the word “addicted” when I do play. She has a boyfriend that I don’t like…because he moves my possessions without notifying me. And when I questioned him about it today he clearly told me he will respect it only for my mothers sake…I mean why can’t he just apologize to me and say he’s sorry? Now for the issue at school…. I […]
My head keeps on
I wonder if it could ever be turned off
“I must be dreaming”, I tell myself
So many times, and I’ve found out the truth
Nothing more… nothing else
Is it just me? Is it my fault?
Do I live in a different world?
No? And so why I feel that way?
Give me answers please
‘Cause I have no escape
I have no one in fact
Not even my cat wants me to scratch him in the back
And you still wonder why…
Did you notice those cuts in my arms?
Or that I am by myself most of the […]
Tomorrow is my judgement day
The day I’ll see if I will live
Because finals start on Wednesday
And I’ve given all I have to give
If I fail a final I fail the class
That will be the end if that
I’ll just commit suicide
And die
Tomorrow I find out if I can take the stress
That has been building up inside me
The last time finals came around
I wound up in The Oaks
Tomorrow i find out if my best friend is going to leave me
And never speak my name again
Once again I do know
I won’t be able to take […]
someone very close to me decided to tell the school i had a hitlist (which i didnt have) they found the pot i bought instead sent me to counseler after sduspending me and pressign charges so i decided to answer eveything truthfully and i showed my cuts and burns and they are now makeing me do counseling after trying to put me in a psych ward and i honestly cant take shit anymore they treat me like im some kind of fucking freak in a circus i want out i just cant fucking do this shit anymore
I am so sick of how people treat me. I’m always put down. I’m yelled at for things I didn’t do. I’m lied to all the time. I only have one person who truly cares. He is everything but I have never met him in real life. I have known him for 7 years though. He is amazing. He always knows what to say. But I want someone to actually care about me in my life. Someone that would see my wrist and cry instead of judge. I want someone to make me their first choice. I am sick of always being back up. I […]
We’re growing apart.
I feel trapped.
I hate talking about it but i know i should.
Can’t wait to cut, it was the only thing that got me through today.
I wish i could live inside my dreams, inside my head.
Then i would be happy.
Fuck this life.
Want to see my blood, because i don’t feel the pain. Alcohol.
Want to have fun.
When will i feel any better?
I want to die.