so i have this best friend who knows everything about me… he means the world to me and he knows litterally everything about me and i think i know everything about him.
the other day i told him i self harmed (i have been doing it on and off since last september) and he knew i had done it in the past, but i promised him i would tell him before i would do it again. I didnt… and well lets just say he found out and i wish i never said anything.
he had threatened in the past to cut himself twice as hard, which caused me to drift and close up from him. But he seemed okay about everything until he told me he was sat on his bathroom floor in tears and he wished there was a blade in there, because there wasnt he decided to get a bruise on his forehead so he can “remember everything” and that hurt me a lot… not sure what i was going to do.
i am reasonably close to my dad i guess, which is weird because i see him like once/twice a week… but yeah he knows everything i get up to, but doesnt know about my self harm. he realised i was upset and basically said that he would look through my phone if i didnt tell him. But i didnt tell him after all that hassle. i couldnt, it would fuck his head up-almost as much as my head right now.
but anyway, my dad is worried about me, so is my mum and most importantly my bestmate. He only bruised himself because he wanted to feel the pain i felt everytime i cut. If i have that impact on someone then it shows how much i have to be careful about what i tell people, which is why i have debated on wether to just not mention my self harm to anyone because it has upset everyone.
i dont know why i self harm. its almost a way of teaching myself a lesson, i reminder of how i feel about myself and others.