New comer.

June 30th, 2012 by nirvanatastic

I dont know what to write. I have no clue, Ive never done this before.

I have severe depression, and have for years. Because of this, I have done so much stupid stuff, pushed so many people away. I have nobody. And I mean nobody. Not my father, my mother passed away, my now ex boyfriend left me for my ‘bestfriend’, and every one of my friends have ditched me. I have nobody.

The school is aware of the suicidal thoughts, and they tried to help for a few weeks, but after I left the school to throw myself in front of a train and was caught, taken to hospital, and discharged because ‘I wasnt serious enough’. After this, they’re looking for an excuse to leave me alone, to fight it myself. I have nobody. All thats stopping me is Im figuring exact exactly how to do it. My Dad was a train driver you see, and more than once he was used as a weapon for some ones suicide. I couldnt do that to someone, and overdosing hasnt worked. I feel like a faluire. I cant even do that right.

I dunno what the rules are, Ive searched everywhere for the rules but cant find them. I dont know anything, or how this site works. I came here because I thought I would find a way to do it. Im planning on having it done before going back to school. I cant handle seeing them together.

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3 Responses to “New comer.”

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  1. Pretty much the one main rule here is that we don’t discuss suicide methods and we don’t help each other figure out how to die. We listen to each other and try to find reasons to keep going.

    You may not believe it but I am totally alone too. You probably think someone would just say that to make you feel better and that in reality I have at least 2 or 3 friends. Nope. It’s a nice Saturday night, it’s almost the 4th of July, everyone is out having fun, I’m sitting in my apartment leaving comments on this website. My last girlfriend left me late last year, and then I lost the one or two friends I had left, and now I’m just alone.

    You can handle seeing them together. You’re not the first person who has been heart broken and had to deal with seeing them with someone else. They aren’t worth dying over. You really think the entire rest of your life on this planet is worth aborting just so you don’t have to return to school and see two people together? It might be painful but it’s not worth throwing the rest of your life away.

  2. You have us, the people on this site which often support each other and be here for each other. You can look up other posts of people and help them as well by comforting or giving advice. Personally the best way for me to help my self is by helping others. Perhaps it will be good for you as well.

    Yes, having your ex and your best friend (ex best friend) be together is horrible. I can’t imagine the anger and sadness you feel right now. However even if it sounds unreal to you at this moment, please try to understand, even for a little bit, that these feelings could pass. There are things which are more important than attending school. If you feel you cannot possibly bear to see them together, just don’t go to school. Stay home, watch a movie. Try to talk to people over the internet.

    I wish that you would let yourself see these things as options for a different life style from the one you knew and that these options might be good for you at this moment, when you feel so hurt.

    The hardest thing to do is to admit you can’t face something on your own, and you already did that by coming to this site and posting here. Please try to give other options a try before choosing a one way ticket named death.

    I hope you will feel better…


  3. 1) fuck those insensitive, disloyal motherfuckers

    2) please don’t go to school if you can’t handle seeing them together, as suggested above .. the knife is already deep in the wound, it doesn’t have to go any deeper

    it sucks you have to go through this without any real life support, it really does .. hopefully you can find some relief from posting here

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