I haven’t been paying my student loan. I CAN’T pay my student loan. Dad found the letter from.. well, whatever that place is called in english.
Mom has me calling the student loan people, but i can’t. I can’t dial the fucking phone!
When she first confronted me, i just.. flipped. Started crying and what not, and she said some mean things, saying how none of her kids ever grown up, and she’s right. I’m 21 and i can’t make a fucking phone call.
In the end i wound up screaming to her about how I’ve been wanting to kill myself since i was 12, but i don’t know if she heard. Sure, i was screaming, but it wasn’t very coherent, and I couldn’t see properly.
She says she’s coming with me to the unemployment bureau (?)… I don’t know if she will. In the rush of the moment she decided i have some kind of social phobia. but who knows if she won’t change her mind about that and send me off on my own anyway.
I can’t do it. I just. fucking. can’t do it! I can’t do any of it! I shouldn’t have been born at all.