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The terror of a phone

June 29th, 2012 by Purmi

I haven’t been paying my student loan. I CAN’T pay my student loan. Dad found the letter from.. well, whatever that place is called in english.

Mom has me calling the student loan people, but i can’t. I can’t dial the fucking phone!

When she first confronted me, i just.. flipped. Started crying and what not, and she said some mean things, saying how none of her kids ever grown up, and she’s right. I’m 21 and i can’t make a fucking phone call.

In the end i wound up screaming to her about how I’ve been wanting to kill myself since i was 12, but i don’t know if she heard. Sure, i was screaming, but it wasn’t very coherent, and I couldn’t see properly.

She says she’s coming with me to the unemployment bureau (?)… I don’t know if she will. In the rush of the moment she decided i have some kind of social phobia. but who knows if she won’t change her mind about that and send me off on my own anyway.

I can’t do it. I just. fucking. can’t do it! I can’t do any of it! I shouldn’t have been born at all.

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This entry was posted on Friday, June 29th, 2012 at 6:35 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

5 Responses to “The terror of a phone”

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  1. clarity1987 6:41 am on June 29th, 2012

    why don’t you just defer payments until later??

  2. Purmi 6:55 am on June 29th, 2012

    That’s what I’m supposed to call about ;_;

  3. RogueShadow1281 7:51 am on June 29th, 2012

    Just tell yourself this… ” One… *deep breath*… Two… *Deep breath*… three…*deep breath*… fuck it!!!” and do it. Works for me.

  4. Purmi 7:52 am on June 29th, 2012

    That… Doesn’t work with me. Mom had to write out what i was going to say on a sheet of paper.

    I don’t feel the slightest bit better for being done with it either.

  5. Maria 9:26 am on June 29th, 2012

    I have social phobia;It’s terrible! I can’t do anything…I don’t have a social life

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