im never enough

2your useless just like your father” is something I usually hear when i fail to please my mother. Ever since the divorce, our relationship has been so strained and she has been verbally and emotionally abusing me for the last year or so.my father left us and is rarely ever on the scene and is a dead-beat dad.my mom is under so much stress from everything but she takes it out on me particularly. my two younger sisters are treated like gods gift and im told to shut up and get over myself. she constantly talks about how nobody would ever want me and how im failure just like my dad. in the last year my weight has yoyo-ed due to my bulimia, something which nobody knows about, and I’ve cut my self on some occasions. but sometimes it gets so hard that all i can think about is suicide. i could end it all with just a couple of pills. i dont want to hurt my family by killing myself but it seems like the only thing that will make this suffering stop. i want to end so bad. i dont feel like theres anything left for me anymore. i want out. my friends often abandon me and some of them have completely cut me out of there lives. they were my rocks when things were hard with my mom , but with them gone , i dunno what im going to do. im so alone and terrified to speak my mind in case the emotional abuse escalates. im si cared of what i will do to myself. i just want to die.