im never enough

July 31st, 2012 by hanners

2your useless just like your father” is something I usually hear when i fail to please my mother. Ever since the divorce, our relationship has been so strained and she has been verbally and emotionally abusing me for the last year or father left us and is rarely ever on the scene and is a dead-beat mom is under so much stress from everything but she takes it out on me particularly. my two younger sisters are treated like gods gift and im told to shut up and get over myself. she constantly talks about how nobody would ever want me and how im failure just like my dad. in the last year my weight has yoyo-ed due to my bulimia, something which nobody knows about, and I’ve cut my self on some occasions. but sometimes it gets so hard that all i can think about is suicide. i could end it all with just a couple of pills. i dont want to hurt my family by killing myself but it seems like the only thing that will make this suffering stop. i want to end so bad. i dont feel like theres anything left for me anymore. i want out. my friends often abandon me and some of them have completely cut me out of there lives. they were my rocks when things were hard with my mom , but with them gone , i dunno what im going to do. im so alone and terrified to speak my mind in case the emotional abuse escalates. im si cared of what i will do to myself. i just want to die.

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4 Responses to “im never enough”

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  1. Wow i am so sorry…. Do you have anybody in your life that you can talk to about this? A safe outlet?

  2. If you write more I will read and let you I have read.

  3. Gosh I’m really sorry hanners that all this has happened to you. It sounds like a truly horrible situation. Can you see your way to hanging in there until you can get some independence/distance between your mother and yourself? You don’t mention how old you are…finding an adult you can trust to confide in is a good idea. You are a wonderful, worthwhile person hanners who deserves so much better than this. Please hold on and know that we are always hear to listen.Zx

  4. Count me in too Hanners as wishing you the best. AND if you need me – I am right here for you.

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