In the past ten months the following has happened:
Sept: My grandpa was missing for three days. He was found alright. However I had to face the fact that both him and I would tell each other we were ok, while we were both falling apart. And my ‘boyfriend’ came home from a summer away and went back to being emotionally abusive.
Oct: My friend/boyfriend continued to be abusive, and also was struggling with depression. At the end of the month I had to call his mom because he was suicidal. He hated me for it.
November: My little brother had a seizure and was […]
July 2012
My lack of tenacity to anything and everything applies I guess just as well to my suicidal thoughts. They come and go but they are never enough to make me actually do anything. Its more a coping thing. It has been a few months since I have felt this low and un-like reality, when I ***** about my petty white kid problems you all kind of listen. Which is cool so I can keep my crazy priviate and un-identified. Since I am obviously to ***** to do it I have decided begrudgingly take on reality head on for thirty days. Thirty days just giving it […]
“I am my heart’s undertaker. Daily I go and retrieve its tattered remains, place them delicately into its little coffin, and bury it in the depths of my memory, only to have to do it all again tomorrow.”  — Emilie Autumn (The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls)
I had my first suicidal thought at the age of eight. Two years later, I had what I referred to as “my contingency plan”, consisting of a lethal OD of my mum’s prescribed potassium chloride pills. It was a strange comfort to know that, if everything ever became too much, there was something I could DO, something I actually had […]
I’m just going to talk in a general rant manner, so sorry to anyone reading this if I switch back and forth randomly.
I want to kill myself, but I am too weak to do it. Too weak, too much of a coward. I want to die and become non existent. Die and finally be free from this shit fucking life, free from my depression, free from my pain. I can’t bring myself to do it though. I can’t even bring myself to really hurt myself. I don’t like being hurt and obviously I’m subconsciously terrified of death or I would have killed myself by […]
It’s my last day here and I am still treated like shit. And there’s gonna be fighting as soon as I get back to my grandparents because they messed with my room. I fucking hate everyone… I hate my family. I don’t want to be here. My throat hurts after arguing with my brother again. I was only defendding myself. I’m sick of everyone’s bull— crap….. gotta stop cussing…. I’m done I’m done. I wanna get there so that I will feel more capable of functioning knowing I can end it anytime…
If I had had a gun anytime in the past 10 min, I would […]
I want to die. I realize that this is a problem. But I dont know how to deal with it. I have cut myself in the past, along with starving myself. I dont know how to go on. I really dont. I do know that I cant give up just yet.
My life really to the average eye, isnt at all bad. But if someone would look deeper, they would realize that I live with a severely depressed mother, and an uptight dad that expects me to make miracles all the time. My mom, is always coming to me for said “help”. And its to much. […]
Life sucks and I’m going crazy!!Â
Why not try some drugs?I’m already destroyed,anyway.
When I was a happy girl with no trouble everyone said they loved me, everyone wanted my company, but I started falling down, I didn’t do anything wrong it was just “life being a *****”… now I’m so alone… When I said to my friends “I’m sad” I cannot do this anymore” they freaked out and their only answer was: “Stop being so negative” “Don’t ever talk like this again”
So I come here… Lovely poem @sleepykarie91, nothing worst that the feeling of your friends  throwing you to oblivion
Sorry have not been on……….started to help people on twitter been very busy
I am still here though no worries
so long sentiment it doesnt matter now, it doesnt matter now. thats how im feeling, this song sums it up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKdsTKE6Izs
These days, my life is insignificant in the eyes of those once important to me. I was once a single-serving entity. Now, I am nothing more than distant memories of what used to be; the whole “shadow of former self” complex, which was and is, itself, a single-serving disposition.
Though it shouldn’t be such a surprise, people are often single-serving towards one another. The cab driver takes you from your house to the airport; the telemarketer stoically asks you how often you drink milk on weekdays; the flight attendant idiotically smiles as she asks you what you would like to drink […]
It’s hard to pretend
Just watch those strangers
Whom used to be really great friends
The quietness
The loneliness
The awkward gestures
The familiar faces
Mostly…
The memories
The guilt…
The shame…
Wanting to say hey
Wanting to share a long conversation
… Changes…
Every second
Every hour
Every day
Every time
Every fight trying to save the friendship
Every arguement just creates the situation worse
Tired
Tired of trying sometimes…
when i see people sad and depressed on here it makes me sad and depressed. i decided im not going to write one note but a to couple people i actually love. one of the only things that makes me not want to get hit by that train, hang myself, blow my brains out. is the few people have been saving me all of this time. one of my best friends has been in boot camp. i dont want him to find out. i hope by the time he comes back everyone will have forgotton me, he will have forgotton me. i never go through with this. but i know how badly […]
I never liked life for what it appears to be: a process of disilllusionnement
I was trusting and full of hope as a kid, but this was because I used to idealize life and people’s intentions
life experiences later, I’ve become rather suspicious and apathetic
I don’t think we’re here to find our purpose or happiness .. I feel like we’re here to chase after things, only to realize those things were just illusions .. the more you believed the illusion to be real, the more brutal the wake-up will be, the harder it is to swallow the pill of letting go
I was led to believe in certain […]
I posted a suicide attempt of mine months ago on this site. Now I can’t stop smiling at how great life is going, I mean it’s nowhere near perfect but it’s much more bearable than it was before. In fact I created my own project into getting back into the social world. It’s not easy coming from where most of us have been, but in constant little steps, anything can be achieved, if only we believe. I know it’s corny but as the words of confucious, “It doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you don’t stop.” And I don’t plan on […]
well i triedf my best to make my life work but i fell short…i guess it i true whay they say….it doesn’t matter where u go u will alsways be misable because u take yourself with u. So i’m done. good bye.
Thanks to SuicideProject, I have been wasting time writing about my problems for the past few hours, rather than cutting myself. Unfortunately I cant be on SP 24/7/365.
Note: I was being sarcastic when I said “seriously”. Everyone knows that doing something OTHER than cutting is good… Even those who do cut.
But, sometimes her memory can get to me. Like her artwork hanging up in one of our similar classes, or seeing her eat quietly to herself during lunch hour. Brings up the painful memories of our happy times together. And this makes me lonesome sometimes. I am happy don’t get me wrong, but I just feel that hole that she created in me when I think about it. My story often reminds me of the song “Yesterday” by my most favorite band The Beatles. And sometimes when I listen to it, the memories of it all come flooding back to me.
I’ve shared my story before […]
This is a sad story of a now 26 year old man who was “Left Behind” by everyone. I am sorry, it is a bit long, but I respectfully put it all in one post. If you have these same problems, read this. Especially if you are currently in school.
For those of you who don’t know, I have Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, and ADD. This story revolves around how I believe that the public schools I went to are responsible for plaguing me with this third disorder – which doesn’t help the depression one bit.
Way back in grade school (jk-grade6) I was having issues with ADD. So […]