No has tenido esa sensación en la que… Bueno ni siquiera es una sensación… Ni siquiera sabes si lo sientes, si existe… Ahhh todo un embrollo en tu cabeza, esperas despertar, esperas que todo sea un sueño o pesadilla, esperas que si todo es cierto haya una realidad alterna a la cual transportarte, simplemente esperas. Y cuando te cansas de esperar haces cosas “indebidas”, pero no sabes como manejarte, como manejarlo, como hacer cosas diferentes. Sigue siendo una lucha constante con tu propio ser, con tu propio pensamiento, y no tienes a nadie, que por lo menos te diga estás loco. Asà es, siempre ha […]
August 2012
Life sucks. I’m in high school, I’m fat, have acne, a huge nose, and I’m ugly. On top of that I’m shy and quiet-I don’t really like talking that much and people always take that as me being rude. Even my dad is embarrassed and says that I need to get out of my shell. I hate myself. I don’t talk much, I’m not creative, and I don’t socialize well with people. I stutter when I talk, I can’t think straight around guys, and I can’t even talk to guys normally (I’m a girl). I’m smart, and have accomplished a lot of things but I […]
Today is one of my down days. A down day is a day I give myself when I’m so tired and full of energy at the same time. I’m sad but can’t express. Happy but can’t express. It’s a day I force myself into the depths to force myself to release this sewer ride i’m trapped in.
THe love/sex music blasting in my ear because it saddens me, the steely gaze as I type on this screen. The pencil and paper I have to draw. Regardless of this down time my thoughts are always the same at the end of the day. Express myself to […]
shes lying i know she is. shes so pathetic. i fucking cant stand it much longer..
So… I’ve been thinking about this for a while. And I really wouldn’t care if I died. Even if it was slow and painfull. Please tell me if this ishealthy. Because I just don’t care about life or death. Â it’s all the same.
don’t care about painless, etc.
I’ll pay the price for killing myself.
Now – I’m getting my affairs in order and just hope there are no hangups with disposal of me (body) and or belongings.
I want the hopelessness and the farce over-
can’t put on “a face” any longer.
I think maybe if I let it all out I’ll feel better, Maybe if I write it I’ll see how ridiculous it is and I won’t do it.
I’m 22 years old and I’m considering suicide.
In the past month My parents first and foremost split after 30 years of marriage. My dad moved into his own house and my mum tried the hose in the gaspipe trick which failed. I don’t think she was serious. She called me and told me she was doing it. When I do it I won’t be calling anyone. The second thing I finally drove away my long term […]
i did more drinking today with my friends i did half a shot because i was meeting up with my mom shortly and needed to be sane… about an hour ago they wanted me to come back and i said no, not because i was not in the mood trust me i did want to go back and get wasted sure but i did not have a solid plan on coming home or staying out late or what!! my ex or bf or what ever he is kissed me again and hugged me he said he was sorry for leaving me… he has been hitting […]
I wish i could show what i really am feeling ,unstead of a fake smile always on my face..
I wish i had the nerve to go up to him all these years to tell him that i liked him..
I wish i could help the family ..and stop being the one who is always the odd one out..
I wish i could pass this year..but work keeps pileing up..
I wish we could get a place and not live in this shelter..
I wish that a guy would like me my age unstead of 5 years younger then me and a show off with […]
I have been thinking more frequently about killing myself day by day. And finally when it seems like I have a perfect plan and can end everything I am know doubting whether I should or not.
The last time I attempted, I was positive it was the right thing to do. I wanted to be gone forever and had thought it all the way through.
This time I am unsure yet still feel that I need to follow through. My life is pointless, I am not going to contribute to society. I don’t do anything. After attempting and being put in a psych ward my work […]
missing you…
no matter what happens…
but letting go
cuz its really over
missing you…
every time
but i rather not think about it
missing you…
realizing its actually over
realizing its been over
its ganna be awhile
only thought of you as a good guy
never the bad.
when im acting like im a jerk
it means
i am getting over…
ill be on my highest guard…
ill be surprised if act as a different person…
ill be shocked if say hi…
it will take me awhile to get comfortable again
it will take me awhile to show again
it will take me awhile to say hi again
awhile to be honestly open again
i know i created the mistakes…
i know i don’t deserve the chances
i know
i get it.
Guilty […]
I’m not sure what to say..
Everything feels like a really bad nightmare..
I just want to forget..
Pretend like this never happened..
My friend didn’t kill himself..
I want him to come back..
My friend Ryan Diaz shot himself yesterday.. needless to say.. he’s dead.. I still feel like its a bad dream.. and he’s gonna be back at school, smiling at everyone, and saying “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” They announced his suicide today at school.. I don’t understand how anyone there was functioning.. I don’t understand how anyone could move.. I kept crying.. I couldn’t stop.. they had a room […]
Studying to be a nurse, and we had a session in class where the topic had to do with suicide. Understandable when my country has a high rate of male suicide. But the atmosphere in the room got sooo intense that I could feel my heart throbbing. I just wanted to get out of the room but I was cornered by objects!
I noticed that those in the room who did not dare to speak (including myself) were ones that have experienced this, or knows a friend whose attempted to commit suicide or has even died. 2 people walked out of the room crying! I know […]
“I wish I were with you, but I couldnt stay. Every direction leads me away. Pray for tomorrow, but for today, All I want is to be home. Stand in the mirror, You look the same. Just looking for shelter from cold and the pain. Someone to cover, safe from the rain. All I want is to be home. Echoes and silence, Patience and grace. All of these moments, I’ll never replace. No fear of my heart, Absence of faith. All I want is to be home. People I’ve loved, I have no regrets. Some I remember, Some I forget. Some of them living, Some of them […]
Talking to the wall/air/teddy/cat is much more comfortable and easier than talking to someone in person.
Even though it sounds bit crazy, but think about it. Because whenever I get the chance to talk to someone about what’s going on, they respond with words that I don’t want to hear. Or I’ve just lost that feeling of comfort! Whereas the other things, it just sinks right in to the object…
_Drains Away_
I think I’m just about done. Done with this all. Done with my life. Done with even trying to fix it. I just had a fight with my best friend. She was just about the most person I trusted and cared for. She said that she doesn’t want me anymore in her life because I “don’t care enough” about her. Those words really sting. She says I’m not there for her but truth is, she’s not there for me either. She was the only person I used to talk to about anything whenever I feel down and she’ll make me laugh instantly to cheer me […]
I think about dying. I want to be dead but i dont know if i could ever go through with it, i toy with the idea and all the bad things the medicine will never change…..
From a distance, I saw a girl alone, crying with her head on her knees. I watched the people walking past her and noticed no one stopped to see if she was alright, no one saw her at all. Her face, damp from tears and red from pain, had an uncanny familiarity. As I moved closer, I felt as if I had seen her somewhere before… walking down the street, in a park, or perhaps in a dream. As her eyes, darkened with sadness and abuse, met mine, I knew why I recognized her. Those were the eyes I saw every day. The ones that […]