I think maybe if I let it all out I’ll feel better, Maybe if I write it I’ll see how ridiculous it is and I won’t do it.
I’m 22 years old and I’m considering suicide.
In the past month My parents first and foremost split after 30 years of marriage. My dad moved into his own house and my mum tried the hose in the gaspipe trick which failed. I don’t think she was serious. She called me and told me she was doing it. When I do it I won’t be calling anyone. The second thing I finally drove away my long term partner and the man I considered the love of my life. I thought I was going to marry him one day. I thought we were happy. He said he hated the person I’d become. That I was snappy angry selfish and he wasn’t happy with me. I didn’t know I’d become that bad. I would’ve tried to be the person I used to be. He wouldn’t give me a chance. Said he didn’t believe I’d change unless the relationship was over. He’s never coming back. I thought the best way to deal with this was to move interstate to live with my best friend and be closer to my family. I moved 3000km away to escape. It changed nothing I’m still miserable and now I have no job, no money, no car, no uni course nothing to look forward too. I’m miserable. I’ve been promising myself for years if I didn’t kill myself things would get better and they do but it never lasts and I always end up back in the same position.
I’m done trying. I can’t cope with the disappointment and the hurt anymore. I wish I knew what I”d done so wrong for my life to be like this so I could change it. It’s better though if I don’t have to care anymore.