This is my first post, so it might be a bit lost like me. I lost everything that was ever close to my heart cos of a prescribed drug called lorazepam. And now I feel like just ending it.
August 2012
i have lost for people that i was close to this year and i am about to add another one to the list in six months or less. plus my dad almost died this year. why me. why dose death surround me.
i can’t concentrate on anything… anywhere. i have homework that needs to be done on the computer almost every night and i’ve been able to do it in my room up until yesterday. i don’t know why but my mom wants me to do all my work on the computer downstairs and i can’t even concentrate in my room by myself…. how does she expect me to do it downstairs when i can’t really even do it in my room? i hate explaining myself to my mom because she doesn’t listen to me and she doesn’t even try to listen to me anyways. i always […]
You treat me so well, so beautifully well. You’d made any other girl cry with tears of joy. I’m a ***** for not loving you the way I should. I’m not pretty enough, I’m not skinny enough. My eyes aren’t colored and my personality isn’t the best. I want to kill myself. I want to starve myself. I want to take so many sleeping pills and forgot about money issues, about my future. I don’t want to lose anymore than I already have. Yes, I’ll do it. I’ll definitely end it, slowly, painfully.
I heard it again today.
He has cancer.
He has six months to live.
XFirst was my dad when he was one years old my dad is not suppose to be alive according to all doctors. second was my grandmas two dogs died of cancer. third was my grandma had skin cancer. then my mom told us on vacation she might have it thank god she was in the clear.then i didnt he the word tell 3 months later when my like granpa close friend died of brain ccancer. today. A close guy in my life has six months to live he is dying of […]
So , Its for me to believe that everyones sorty is differnt. This one..Well its beyond that.
I dont know how to explain my thought really, But im going to try to put you in my shoes, My state of mind.
*Big breath* Alright. . So sometimes that thing called Depression hits me, Makes me want to go home and cry, yell at everyone about my problems and just throw my hands around hoping that they will hit something to take away this pain.. This pain of loss. The pain of never being loved. Always getting walked out on, or forgotten. Im the type of […]
i found this website today and made an account and so here i am telling you my story not quite sure why im doing this?
im 15 years old and have depression for around 2 years now
my parents got divorced when i was 3 years old,i have no contact with my dad he sees me twice a year and never shows up for christmas or my birthday and always leaves me crying after he says he will!
my mum tries her hardest with me but never understand,she never shown any interest in my life or how im doing,never has my dad or mum said […]
i don’t know…i guess to talk to about my problems. Well, not really talk about my problems because i highly doubt people will read the crap i post. I guess just to vent? I don’t know man. I just feel like shit. Yup yup yup.
This is bullshit… School is useless to what I want to do with my life… If I live long enough to get out of here…
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder two years ago. I took drugs and went through therapy, and I did end up feeling better. But for the past 6 months or so, when I’ve been alone with just myself, I’ve been incredibly suicidal. I can’t talk to anyone about it, because they’ll just put me back in the hospital, but I’ve been through all that, and obviously it’s not helping anymore, if it ever did at all. When I’m around other people, I’ll generally have a good time, but as soon as all distractions are gone, I’m back to suicide. I don’t have a difficult life, I’m […]
Hello. I am 21 years old and an old friend to depression. I believe I have always been depressed. In middle school and high school, I had no close friends. I have gone one date in my entire life. I am not academically gifted given the fact that I have no willpower. Three quarters ago, I had a 4.0 in college and now I have a 3.06. I feel inferior to my sister who has always been better at me at everything. My brother doesn’t give a shit about me at all and has attacked me on some of my issues. I have been to a counselour and a psychologist. Every time I talked […]
i have never been the one to believe in suicide, but the feeling of this hurt is overwhelming. its almost like i cant breathe. im a 30ish something female, and i have a great career, children, family and friends. my husband left me earlier this year and my entire life was flipped upside down. i never saw it coming. i later found out that he was indulging in activities with another female. i was a good wife and my family is everything to me. i didnt do anything to deserve this. i dont eat, i have taken time off of […]
My mind was unrelenting last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about her no matter how hard I tried. Based on the past couple of days, I know we can be happy together now. I know that all of our problems are gone and we can be the couple that she always wanted. I told her it would take time, but now the time has come. And she doesn’t want to see how much I truly love her. The pain just kept building last night until I was back to wanting death more than anything. I know it’s going to keep happening and yet I look […]
Anyone know how to post pics from the ipod?!
Well today is the day, im finally leaving this horrible life of mine. I have discovered somethings recently that have become the straw that broke the camels back. So im taking care of the problem, and that problem is me. You can call me selfish, i dont care, i know i am. If its selfish to end my life to end the pain and lonliness i have been dealing with my whole life, then so be it. No one will miss me, because i dont give a shit about anyone anymore. People say that killing yourself is wasting god’s gift. Well i dont believe that […]
I told you the truth
Did you care
did you even listen
did it even affect you
no
you told me
no dont do it
and left it at that
you will be replaced
by the fallen angels
for they speak to me
listen to me
want me near
After many years of trying to deal with depression on my own, I realized that enough was enough and  had to seek help before it ruins my life for good. I visited a doctor this morning, who has put me on medication and pointed me towards a councillor. I’ve been using alcohol and excessive gaming to get away from life and its demands and to shield myself from my depression, for too long. Im a talented musician, have friends and when Im in any sort of good mood, im okey to be around but the important things in my life have been suffering.
I have suffered […]
I’m all ready to go. My two helium tanks are connected. Exit bag is ready. Notesready written. I want this but I’m so worried it won’t work. Just staring at the tanks now….