Good Night

September 30th, 2012 by Black Swan

So I’ll be going under the knife again for what could be the 10th time in my life now? The lithium they forced on me at the hospital 6 months ago ruined the last surgery I had done and since I will soon have to head back to New York to fulfill my miserable dead end destiny, I have to shape up for it. I really wish I died in that operating table but I know I won’t be that lucky. Good night to all of you out there.

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16 Responses to “Good Night”

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  1. i hope it doesnt go well =) i’ll see you there.

  2. We live in a world of false values.

  3. Do you think I should get my nose straightened? I tripped over and fell face first in a cattle grid once. When I regained consciousness I knew my life would never be the same again.

  4. @newdawnfades she’s talking about surgery not uh that other thing.
    Hope everything goes smoothly

  5. Even if you are leaving this world soon i guess beauty is still priority? xD lol

  6. A persons appearance can be very important for their self confidence. Cosmetic surgery is no different to wearing a £1,000 suit. Sometimes people say that it’s not or that it’s wrong when in fact they are projecting their own insecurities onto others. If Black Swan wants to modify herself with cosmetic surgery that’s ok as long as it doesn’t become an obsession.

  7. @NewDayFades, Thank you. Lol.

    @Vedura, I hate this world’s values with a passion, but as long as I am here I don’t want to be caught in the last link of this food chain society so that the top predators get to look down on me.

    @Duke, if you think it would improve your self-esteem, I think you could try it. My insecurity comes from deep within and no plastic surgery will ever be able to fix it. Still, I am addicted to cosmetic procedures cause they do help to a certain extent.

    @One_day, Thanks :).

    @Scar, I was debating weather I should use the surgery’s money to pay for my funeral instead but as usual I still don’t have the guts to end it.

  8. I’m sorry, but that made me laugh. You’re a very strange person. <3

  9. @Scar, Haha. I probably am. I am glad somehow I make you laugh. You make me laugh too with some of your comments :). But really, if I don’t go through with fulfilling my fantasy of leaving this planet, then I’ll have to carry on with this miserable live and try to make it as bearable as possible. I can’t stay in this bed any longer after 6 months of leaving of my mother.

  10. I just can’t wrap my head around the way you think. You seem to hate these superficial values, but you say you have to abide by them so you don’t lose to society. You should move into some sort of eco-village and live off the land for a while. No high heels or make up or dogs in purses or beaver fur rugs or whatever it is you celebrities usually have. Cancel all your photo shoots and go learn to grow vegetables. It may change your entire life.

  11. My nose is the least of my worries tbh. I have trouble breathing which can be annoying.

    What if I said you didn’t need the surgery and that you looked ok. Would that make any difference.

  12. The world jinxed me. I think that had things been different I was one of those nearer the top of the list. Looks-wise and in terms of mental ability right where anyone would want to be. That makes it difficult to accept, I did this to myself. Everything that was good I seemed to ruin. If I could go back, I wouldn’t be here.

  13. @Scar, I believe that this whole stubborn “philosophy” of mine comes from my experience as a teen in big school. I didn’t get bullied per se but I was an invisible ghost that no one noticed. From a distance I observed how most kids that weren’t “cool” did nothing but kiss the popular kids’ ass and kneel to them as if they were pharaohs and found it repulsive. I learned there were 3 places I could stand in life: be a king, slave or outcast. Out of the 3 I thought “queen” was the best option. I swore to myself I’d never let anyone feel like they were above me. So here I am still loyal to my theory about the world and striving hard not to “inferior”.
    The alternative you propose is quite a good idea and I’ve thought of it in more than one occasion. It seems to be like I could be better off going back to being an outsider.

  14. @Duke, I am really curious, please tell me what happened? What wrong turn did you make?

  15. I’m a 68 year old woman. I’ve never had children. I didn’t want to leave them on this planet. The buck stops with me.

  16. 68 year is excellent age. You don’t need to die simply cause there is not much time left and you can do whatever the fuck you want. I recommend you start travelling to cool places like Emei Mountain in china. Fuck the children who needs them.

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