September 2nd, 2012by artlexnapolean
Lol. I mean it’s just a thought. My last post here was months ago because i thought i was doing fine. But I’m Defenitley not. At lease not anymore anyways. All my thoughts keep coming back, im suppose to be free from them, but they keep re-appearing in my mind. The bullying, the lonlieness, being a failure. Just everything. I thought I was fine, because I told myself I’m going to get prettier, and i’ll be in college and everything will get better. But no. Nothing has gotten better. I thought for sure I’d have a boyfriend by now. I don’t know why I thought that. Im not even in college anymore. I only lasted for TWO DAYS! Yes, After two days i was finished, because im not smart enough, So i got my refund back. That’s How much of a failure I am!! Lol, Im that dumb. I mean im going back in a couple of months to be a guidance counselor, but still. Back to the topic. I’ve been rejected sooooooo many times in life it’s just crazy. I’ve been getting rejected since 4th grade. Never had a boyfriend, first kiss, date, nothing. And it’s all coming back to me. I think that it will never happen. I will never ever be a girlfriend. Oh yeah and im about to be 19. Lol, im so pathetic. It’s like, Why am I even here on this earth.
I think it’s so sad that i have to question my reason for being here on earth. Like why can’t i just Drop dead now. I don’t want to kill myself, but then again i do, but i would like to just drop dead. I don’t understand why guys never liked me before. Well, i know one reason is because im ugly, but……I see it happen all the time. The girls who are ugly on the inside and outside still happen to get the guys they want. I may be ugly on the outside, but on the inside, im just this girl who is just shy but yet, still friendly. How old will i be when i get my first boyfriend? 50? Well no, because by the age of 30 im just going to stop trying. I just really hope, that some out there, will come for me. I hate this. Being depressed all over again, sucks, so much. Night guys.