September 2012

I wonder how long it will be before virtual reality becomes a real alternative. It seems obvious when you look at technology and society that the two are merging in such a way that soon enough there will be avatar like virtual realms where people will be able to view and communicate with others from all around The world from the safety and privacy of there own homes. Imagine the possibilities. A chat room where you actually interact with real people in real time. If your bored or lonely or whatever, put on your head set, log in, and go into whatever room interests […]

I’m sixty.  I’ve had lifelong depression, from early childhood (along with abusive and chaotic treatment).  Because of the depression, life has sucked – lost jobs, lost relationships, inability to enjoy life, medication side-effects, etc.

I’m feeling suicidal again.  Not sure what I’m going to do about it.  I’ve tried suicide before.  Some efforts left me badly damaged; most left me scarred or otherwise hurt.

Part of me wants to hang on, to have hope.  But a part of me – and it’s getting stronger – says that if I haven’t found the answers after sixty years, there isn’t much hope of ever finding them.  And at sixty, […]

I feel unwanted.

I feel hated.

I feel ugly.

I feel stupid.

I feel ashamed.

I feel empty.

I feel lost.

I feel weak.

I feel helpless.

I feel hopeless.

I feel dead.

I feel tired.

I feel like a fu** up.

I feel like a failure.

I feel angry.

I feel sad.

I feel depressed.

I feel fat.

I feel clumsy.

I feel like a mess.

I feel heavy.

I feel…Unwanted.

I think..

I think, I might end it tonight.

End my life.

Theres too much weight on my shoulders.

The sinking feeling on my heart.

The hollow feeling in my chest.

The feeling like no one cares.

Like no one loves you.

Everyone I love leaves..

Or walks away..

I don’t want to deal with that anymore.

I want to end it tonight.

I know I have the guts to.

I just don’t want my baby brother to see it.

I want to be alone and take my life.

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