I’m female, 33. Married, 3 kids (b13, g11, g9), 2 dogs..and a cat who thinks he’s god. I’m a childhood abuse survivor. Physical, sexual and emotional.it was done to me, primarily by my mother. Didn’t have any siblings, father wasn’t around. It seems the sexual abuse hurt the most, though I know the emotional is always there as well. It’s that voice in the back of my head telling me that I’m stupid, fat, ugly, lazy, no one wants me, I’ll never amount to anything. I’m worthless, horrible. I’m only good for sex.
I’ve been a full time student since 2009, but had a breakdown this summer and haven’t come back yet. I’m in the process of getting SSI…I get an eval at the end of the month. If I can get that money then I won’t be such a worthless piece of shit to my family.
I started cutting at 14, and I still do sometimes. It’s soothing.
I’ve been hospitalized 3 times, twice this last summer. All 3 times for being suicidal. Been diagnosed with major depression, and gad. I have ptsd plus fibromyalgia…the past haunts me all the time. My therapist suspects I’m bipolar, I think she’s on to something. She’s never been willing to make any dx outside of PTSD after 6 years, and the symptoms sure fit. When I’m great, I’m fabulous. When I’m down it’s horrid. I’m inbetween right now. Meds aren’t working right. Don’t have a psychiatrist. Sometimes I think they’d all be better off without me fucking it all up.