November 1st, 2012 by dead
I always feel so ugly. I wish I could feel beautiful. I wish he’d love me, that I was good enough for him. I’m sorry I fucked it up. I’m sorry I’m too fucked up for you. It takes so much effort to even breathe, to take a breath. My chest feels so heavy, the hole in my stomach taunts me, and my wrists scream for the blade. I can’t eat without feeling guilt, crying on the floor in the bathroom because I can’t purge anything up, ever. I absolutely loathe myself, nobody would miss me if I was gone. I don’t have any friends, everyone either replaced me or decided they didn’t want to deal with me. I’m a disgusting person, both inside and out. I use people, do things just to feel wanted, but often feel more used. I don’t have a place in this world, and I don’t believe I’m ever going to find mine.
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You’re not ugly. Hang in there because I’m positive you will find people that love and care about you and will make your life worth living.
so totally not true
OH MY GOSH! you are not alone! i swear, i am in the exact same position! i feel as if i wrote this post! wow, please try to hang in there, i don’t know if this helps, but i swear, you are not alone! and you are good enough!
im sick of people being put down and controlled! im so sick of it!
I’m so sorry your going through this right now. I wish I could do something to help you, because I know how much it hurts. But those negative thoughts inside your head are lies. DO NOT beleive them. Their is this book I read last year called “Lies Young Women Beleive” its a christian book, so I can’t judge whether you would like it or not. But it really helped me with my self-esteem… of course I still struggle with it, but no ones perfect. Just stick in there. Email me if you want to talk.
Stay Strong <3
I feel this way too. I hear you. Many of us who are sick of life are true givers. We help, we support, we love we care. And in that – we often get used and discarded by conscienceless people when we run out of usefulness.
We know we are used because we feel this discontent – and it roars up in anger within us. But if we speak our piece the loudest person in the room is the user and our voice is squelched to zero. We feel stupid. Put down. Smashed into tiny pieces by the one we give to so selflessly. We know we are not being heard or valued. The fake smiles on a users face and occasional crumbs present a facade of false caring. They will just as soon discard you the second you call them out on it for once. And off you go. Along with your self worth. Because you cared and gave. And we are targets for such assholes
PS the anger that arises in us from holding our tongue when we are wronged is what turns us against our own selves. Very few people can handle actively listening. They take it as an attack. Someone who loves you would listen. TRULY listen.
i just wanted to let you know, i know this isn’t my post, but your comments really help me too. thank you.