I don’t want to kill myself, I just want to die

November 2nd, 2012 by want2stay

Really, I want to live. But I don’t see that happening.

I have a wonderful wife and family, but I’ve been unemployed for four years now and I can’t even get an interview. I’m on antidepressants but they’re not helping. And even if they lifted my mood, I’d still be a failure and a burden. I don’t want to take my life because I don’t want to set that example for my kids, but I also feel my life is a terrible model for them. And I’m too old to believe it’s going to get better. I’m not sorry for myself so much as I am sorry for my wife. She deserved better than this. Maybe she could still find it once I’m gone. It seems selfish of me to just linger. But it seems like the only thing I can do now. I wish I had terminal cancer, or the courage to cross the street against traffic.

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14 Responses to “I don’t want to kill myself, I just want to die”

Most recent comments shown, ordered chronologically on the page.

  1. The economy has to turned around soon.

  2. I know just how you’re feeling, but you’ve got to tell somebody about it. You can’t just leave! What do you think your kids are going to think when they learn their dad killed himself and how’s your wife going to feel? Take a look at what you have and think about what it’d be like if you weren’t there. I’m sure you aren’t a burden and even if you think you are, you are needed in other people’s lives. Don’t let them down.

  3. i want to ask you something, and I would prefer if you do not answer here…. just in your own mind.

    If your kids and/or your wife could choose. Would they choose a life insurance payout, or would they take less money and have a loving father there….. Sharing his love and showering them with affection.

    Ya, it seems rhetorical. But you need to answer it honestly in your head. You need to repeat it in your head a hundred times. Then you will know what needs to be done.

    PEACE

  4. I would choose the life insurance.

  5. Bad joke. Pelch don’t put bad idea’s in his head. Your kid’s need there father.

  6. Actually Donnie – I was not trying to put a bad idea into his or anyone elses head. I would have thought it obvious that 99.9999% would say the kids would rather have their father.

    I know in my case – my kids totally rallied around me when they found out about my illness. All they wanted was for me to be there. Made me rethink when I was really messed up and was trying to kill myself thinking it was better for them….

  7. The guy’s depressed. If he’s got life insurance with a big pay out. He’s now got that in his head. I know what i’m saying.
    want2stay Stay for your family.

  8. FWIW, I’m feeling better than I was when I posted this. I think all I needed to do today was vent anonymously.

  9. If it came out poorly – I am sorry. My point was SUPPOSED to be for him to stick it out. Guess I just suck at everything I do.

  10. Pelch stop feel sorry for your self. What you said. Was a good point.

  11. I was bein a Ashole

  12. I was bein a Ashole

  13. wasnt trying to feel sorry for myself.

    You were RIGHT. it was stupid of me to assume he was balanced enough to take the idea to a safe conclusion…. freaking stupid ass gamble on my part in a high stakes game where I dont have to pay the price……

  14. Pelch your advice was alot better than mine.

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