I don’t want to kill myself, I just want to die

November 2nd, 2012by want2stay

Really, I want to live. But I don’t see that happening.

I have a wonderful wife and family, but I’ve been unemployed for four years now and I can’t even get an interview. I’m on antidepressants but they’re not helping. And even if they lifted my mood, I’d still be a failure and a burden. I don’t want to take my life because I don’t want to set that example for my kids, but I also feel my life is a terrible model for them. And I’m too old to believe it’s going to get better. I’m not sorry for myself so much as I am sorry for my wife. She deserved better than this. Maybe she could still find it once I’m gone. It seems selfish of me to just linger. But it seems like the only thing I can do now. I wish I had terminal cancer, or the courage to cross the street against traffic.

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