It’s like all I see is black and white, there is no color left in my life. There is so much I want to do but I just can’t seem to find the motivation to even take a show. The only thing that keeps me here the fact that I have a beautiful 6 yr old son who I love and adore dearly. He’s my life line but I feel I’m ripping him off cause all I want to do is sleep.
November 2012
I spend the first half of my life suffering multiple tragedy multiple trauma, then I spend the remainder of my life living in anguish and misery as I heal from the trauma and then end dead before I can ever live a healed life, what’s the f*cking point>?
I wish I was dead. I really do. Â I have been suffering from depression since my early teensand I am now 36. I cannot remember the last time I felt happy; felt sad; felt hopeful; felt ANYTHING.
I know how I could do it. I know I would be successful.  What’s stopping me?  I have a little boy. His father is violent towards me  I cannot leave my baby with that monster.
What am I to do?  I cannot go on anymore  I am dead anyway
Life to me is just unhappiness i dont like being here really… Nobody has done anything to make me feel this way i just dont see the point in a meaningless unhappy life full of anger and depression… Im 14 and most people just say to me that i will be fine its just school and its stressful but school isnt a problem at all. I have friends and family that care about me but i never seek help from them because i dont like contact with other people, i like being alone by myself so i lock myself away.
I constantly question myself about my […]
my name is jess and ive been fighting deppression for 3 years i have also been fighting self harm for 2 year and i have recently stopped (for now) and i have an anxiety disorder. so as you can see, im pretty messed up! but what i am going to tell you next you might think im really crazy i think. but for some reason i fantisize about death. i have always just wanted to die. i dont know why i guess cause my life is just so effed up. maybe because ive lived enough of my life to know that i dont want to […]
I hate when people ask me if I’m okay, or how I’m feeling. The answer is so loaded and I’ve never been a good liar. So, I nod and say, “Fine,” because it’s such a basic answer that it has no meaning, anymore.
I hate waking up every morning to rush to a job I hate. And people say, “Well, just quit,” as though I don’t have loans and hospital bills waiting for me and whispering taunts when I try to sleep at night.
They say, “It get better,” but does it? I’m almost 30 and I’ve been dealing with this outcast, abnormal bullshit since I was […]
I think it is, the end. There’s been no reprieve for me from this misery of a depression.
i reached out the other day and told my social worker everything I’d done in the last weeks in an attempt to get some understanding. I told her I tried to jump off the motorway bridge but didn’t think it was high enough to kill me plus what also stopped me was I don’t want to cause an accident for someone else. With this in mind I said my only option to kill myself  was to do it in the car the good ole fashioned way with a […]
I live with my brother.. I’ve fucked up my life so good that I can’t get a flat on my own.. I drink and use drugs quite a lot.. Just to get the euphoric feeling for a while.
To feel like normal people. I keep thinking suicide every day, but I always find some reason to keep going. Just another fuckin’ day to the list. I’ve been stabbed in the back so many times
that I isolate myself to make sure that doesn’t happen again.. Not sure what I just wrote, just something that helps me a bit.’Anyways, Everyone who feels similar.. Take care.
I can be your hero baby , I can kiss away the pain & I will stand by you forever , you can take my breathe away (:
People who talk to me always make me feel better , but I don’t. Know , I feel like Im nothing ,<\3 , I want to feel good , :/ I need a bestfriend maybe a guy bestfriend I don't have one :/ idk , im stupid anyways 🙁
I think that a way to kill myself which wouldn’t cause too much trauma for my family would be to let my road bike drift into the path of an oncoming semi-tractor/trailor.  Death would be virtually certain if I ride on a road with a high enough speed limit, and it would look like an accident instead of an intentional act. They wouldn’t have to suffer the stigma of having me kill myself. It would be neat and clean, and fortunately their financial security would be guaranteed.
For a moment the pain would be excruciating after getting run over by a truck, but that much pain […]
The razor blade in my pocket makes me feel safe. The people at school make me feel safe. A hig from my grandmother makes me feel safe. All of these things make me feel safe-why can’t I face them- why can’t I tell my teacher what my father did to me, why cant I tell the truth to my grandmother, why cant I face the blade and kick the habit…I got myself into a compromising situation yesterday. we where playing keep away with my friends shoe I had it and her boyfriend backed me into a corner. I felt trapped, I flashed back to that night and freaked out […]
Hey All,
I am new to trying to be smarter then the website to post. I am a depressed, rather pathetic man who threw away job, life, bank accounts and friends for chemicals. I think some people have a ‘point of no return’ and once they have reached it they off themselves or just keep doing the same unhealthy thing whatever that may be. I wonder why the homeless drug addict would get up everyday just to chase it or the person who has been homeless,etc. That said I did read a rather interesting book thats seemingly objective as it really presents good information on both for […]
i’d like to take the belt of my robe make a perfect knot place it around my throat and let my body drop.
Shhh everyone is sleeping must not cry to loud can’t disturb the master must always make him proud. I’ll say I had a cough and had to leave the bed when all I want right now is to be dead, peacefully dead.
I’ll cry myself quietly to sleep tonight and wake with my wax smile, make sure the lunches are bagged and their packs are on their back I’ll kiss my master goodbye and all the while wish for…
i was stronger once now I’m […]
the one thing worse than arguing with you…
is missing you.
i hate when you delete yourself from me.
do you even notice i’m gone?
I’m constantly telling myself I’m okay & for a while, I kind of believe it. But then I’m alone & thats when it goes bad. I don’t have anyone to distract me.. I wake up in the middle of the night & literally cry myself back to sleep. I’ve gotten so bad that I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tired. I just want to be okay again.
Who would have ever thought “wow that kid is going to grow up and kill herself” I dont think this is reality, for some odd reason I think someone’s going to pop out and say you’ve been pranked…. All I want is to be free ok? This problem is something the medicine cant fix. You cant fix it, I cant fix it, they cant fix it. IT’S STUCK. It’s on me forever like a curse. I have my plans to vacation forever.
Ive never had an anxiety attack until 2 days ago i woke up not being able to breathe or move, no air was going in it was scary as anything, i didnt want to wake up my parents so i struggled alone, i had a mild anxiety attack this morning. My parents think nothing of it. My friends dont give a damn about me, they think its a phaze that ill move on from or that i can just shrug off in an instant whenerver i feel like it. Im alone, lost and most certaintly ready to give up on life,
Ive attempted once this month […]
I have never done anything like this before. Never posted or even talked the way I feel right noW. oh well here goes. Â I’m 29 years old and I’ve been battling with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I won’t get into my childhood but lets just say it wasn’t good And it left its scars. That aside what’s bothering me is it just never seems like anything will go right for long. Everytime I claw my way out of a problem there’s five more around the corner. I just can’t seem to stay on top. It’s overwhelming and I’m getting […]
On lithium again, and all it is doing is making my depression terrible. Dont see my doc for a month. Life is overwhelming and has been for far too long… I want to take all of my lithium, as a doctor once told me it was quite fatal. Done.