Why bother

November 30th, 2012 by BluDude976

If life has taught me anything, its how pointless everything is. If you aren’t rich in a capitalist society your life will most likely be a nonstop living hell until the day you die and there will be very little you can do to stop it. Some people brainwash themselves with religion, some use drugs and/or alcohol, others distract themselves by any means necessary telling themselves someday life will be worth it but that day never happens. Most people die deeply disappointed by life, those that live long enough to be elderly usually just give up and wait for death (visit an old folks home its beyond depressing). I’ve tried to kill myself multiple times in my life each time being more severe than the last because contrary than what some people think, its not a cry for attention I’m really trying to die I just haven’t always had a successful means of making it happen. I have to take massive amounts of anti depressants for major depression and ptsd. I don’t know if I will kill myself but I do know this if I get cancer I will let it kill me, if anything happens that may result in my death I will not fight against it. I want this life over with, the earlier it happens the better. There is no point in living if you don’t have anything to live for. I have nothing and no one and I am completely alone and poor so why should I fight for something I just don’t want.

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14 Responses to “Why bother”

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  1. I understand. I feel a lump in my breast and I’m not going to get it checked. I’d like nature to take its course quickly.

  2. Hey Bludude,
    I am not that good at writting or feeling, ok much of anything but your post was spot on for what I think daily, hell hourly. I used to deal with cancer patients and thought I wish I could save one of them that wanted to live with my life because I don’t want to be here. Like you said why fight for something I don’t want. I both my fault and situations have hell and its going to get worse(and not before it gets better just worse) Why would I do so many things to just live a painful life? Someone stop the ride.

  3. I had cancer when I was young. If it just hadn’t been treated, I would be dead by now. I think more about dying now. I hope I can find the courage to kill myself.

  4. I feel like I’ve found a new club. I’m in the same zone thinking why do I fight for something I don’t want.

  5. I think the only way to be happy in our society, of which your description was spot on, is to work against it. We’re all in a cage, but if we gnaw away at the bars, maybe someday everyone will be free? It’s the only thing that makes me feel better, at any rate.

  6. Black hole,
    Get that lump checked! That’s an awful way to die and it’s not quick!

  7. BluDude976 ,
    Long as you’re here you should care because life really really sucks if you don’t and who knows you may live to be 90 my dad is that old that’s a long time to really really suck!

  8. You are correct, rocketman & Willow, we probably all should care and gnaw away at the bars of our personal cages. As for myself, I see pointless existence all around me, and a future even more bleak than the present, and all stacked upon a tragic traumatic past. It seems I cannot escape the feeling even as I make the effort in the name of life. I go for walks but they do not make me feel better, sometimes worse, for I believe (even if mistaken) my negative condition is exposed to the world. I go to support groups (in fact I am going to one in less than an hour), even when the group helps, I become even more despondent when we must part after two hours. Sometimes we get together and go somewhere for lunch after group, but then we must part, and horrible feelings of miserable lonely (often thoughtless) existence return.

  9. Andy2112,
    ah ha! somethings make you better! eh which i bet means there are even more things out there! a good hobby can make feel better a few more hours in the day.

  10. Fear, loneliness, pain, trapped, lack of hope, all have one thing in common, surrounding yourself with yourself. Happier people can still have fear and pain but if you have hope then you are not feeling alone, and you’re being trapped is something that is seen as only a temporary state.

    The first commenter took a shot at people who have religion, those would be people who have hope, and are less lonely because they have their beliefs, and they may likely have community as well, and are less likely to be lonely. Happiness is a drug that the body can make as a hormone like endorphins. Religious beliefs can be like spiritual endorphins, so why put down those people who were able to do something that miserable people have not been able to and are wanting to be able to do. If you are miserable than you can try to see what makes some of these people happier than you are feeling, why place an insurmountable wall between you and that which you are desiring, which is truth, and love.

    Is it because you only believe in what you can see? Some people have had near death experience that changed their minds about what is, and what is not. Saint Thomas Quote “To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible. Faith is beyond hope, because it is having sensed but not attained, so there is purpose and direction. For those that have not had experience, they they are likely fall into living in denial, and then not seek what they wish to find, after all, people who have religion are “delusional”, right? With this frame of mind, you leave yourself no way out of depressed life state, because really what you want is to know the truth, and you would like remain in a state of love.

    Unless of course you really believe that death is static, nonexistent. In a way, that state may exist nowhere in the universe, but that is a different topic.

    Some people in the medical field these days will explain off the near death experience as caused by hypoxia, lack of oxygen in the brain in a low brain wave state. But they prove that wrong all the time in the ER. Hypoxia like all drugs result in less lucid and more delusional state of awareness. The kind of Delusion that would cause a diver at a depth 180′ take out their air mouth piece so as to share some oxygen with the fish, and as a result the diver dies from not breathing air. Yet patiences that have come back from brain flat line for several minutes, licid and able to describe what they saw, in detail, and describe the conversations that took place, even that which took place in the hallway are examples of quite lucid thinking. This is anything but delusional, and the mind can’t function is it is flat line, there is no activity. So awareness is beyond the state matter.

    So if you are depressed, and you don’t solve your depression problems by being physically body dead, then what will you do about your state of awareness? You still have a problem you need to deal with somehow, which is How to be Happy, regardless of your problems. People who are in pain are lucky in the way that when the pain is gone then they will be happier, they find relief. In the spirit, your state of thought and awareness is like radio tuner in some sense, you create an awareness around you that reflects your state of mind. Lucky is the person who has beliefs, who when they die believe they will go to heaven, difficult is the journey for the depressed that surounds themselves with themselves who has had no joy, no one to love, no one to care about or for.

    Happiness and Spiritual growth go hand in hand, because again your awareness is a little like a radio tuner. Religions cause one to ponder Godly things, the longer one thinks on such things, and seeks answers to questions, then slowly things can get a bit better. You might have conflicts with some religious concepts, okay, take some bits with you as you go, if they begin to help you, the move foreword again. The state of man does not know everything, we don’t get everything perfectly right, but that is no reason to not keep at trying to understand our spiritual state of existence. Going back to Saint Thomas’s quote. Once a person like Saint Thomas has a real experience, they then move beyond your feelings of delusional thinking, they begin to grow in spiritual awareness, they then realize that the real delusional state is that state of man’s thinking.

    Don’t surround yourself with yourself. Reach out and help those around you in any way you can that helps them, it’s not about helping you, your getting help comes a little later when you take your mind of yourself and focus on others. Every idiot knows that having lots of money does not make you happy, it can make some things in life a little easier, but it can also make them harder. The question is, what makes you happier. I have not found one religious faith that answers all questions, so keep your mind and heart open. Once you sense the spirit, then know there is more, and then you can’t help but wonder about what more there is to existence, and what it is about. Keep your mind open to change, and step through doors now that you have not in the past, one may lead to temporary joy for you, and being happier, like opening a window so that light can get in. One day you may become a Sun yourself, when you find your lasting joy.

    I am not altogether happy, I have big problems, but I have been bless with a few experiences in life that have shown me that there is something more, more the my miserable self that I sometimes make myself out to be. Move forward. Death is not the end, but it is not the answer for your depression, nor mine. Move forward, seek with your heart, above all, stop closing the doors around your that might be the answers you have been looking for. If you don’t find what you are looking for, go looking again. There are no truly happy syndics, the syndical soul is the most close minded of all.

  11. thanks r907 – I was having a ‘paddy’ (when I get really stupid and self-pitying and negative and self-destructive mood – though not actually as far as self-harm, but just thinking bad thoughts about myself as if possessed by some devil, literally. This one brought on by a combination of a) feeling self-pity and self-loathing due to maladjustment to the aging process and b) some idiot cut me up and tried to knock me off my motorcycle on the way off from home, which made me swear loudly in public, which is not good for my reputation as a teacher….sorry to go on) – anyway, reading all sorts of stuff on the internet (instead of doing my school prep, because my mood was too evil to bother with that) – I hit upon your post, and this is the one that really rings true for me – yes, Yes! The pursuit of JOY through helping others is the key (but when locked in our selfish moods that’s a hard truth to swallow, that we would have to just let go of that gripping self-pity/self/loathing or whatever the ‘devil’ (the one who actually would like us to take the negativity to its extreme of killing ourselves) has us into. Please look after yourself and continue to seek.It is the morning after my bad mood that I’m writing this, and I still feel miserable and ashamed of letting myself get so down (I too have been blesssed with a couple of instances where I saw the chink of light that is outside of this miserable existence), and as I write this the tears are flowing. I need to get up out of the downer and get back on my feet to make the best of this life. Old age, wrinkes etc will come, which is not all that fun – but we have to then focus harder on what is the real value of existence….THANKS again – I will keep following this site, in case I can be of help to people here

  12. to Andy2112 – I agree with rocketman – don’t give up on those things that make you feel temporarily better, just try to increase the amount of those moments

  13. guyyysss no! please dont do any self-harm in any way im serious!
    i used to and one day i had a panic attack and started screaming and crying, i trashed the house and broke everything, i cut and realized how sad i made everyone by cutting i just walked downstairs still crying and my mam just stood there sad. since that day i havent cut and guys be honest, cutting makes you feel special and diffierent like you have a little dark secret. but one day when your gone! your family or people who care, cuz there is people who care. your just driving them mad by not being ther their little child who they raired their only friend their soilder and yes that text was right but dont live to feel bad, live for the good things that you love, just be happy ok? block all bad things out and be happy!

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