why do i feel like ending it but i feel happy ? i have vhl but i feel nothing about it (vhl is like a cancer gean that makes me prone to cancer) but im happy about it but for some reason i still wana end it when i have lots of ppl who care about me. is that normal?
January 2013
My mother pushes me to the point where sometimes at night, I grab a kitchen knife and head towards her room and stand there, and watch her sleep…I feel the urge to stab her, and just end all the misery she gives me….but cause I’ll be studying law soon, my legal sense kicks in…and I do not want to spend 25 to life in prison….maybe I should murder her, then commit suicide…pondering many ideas….but haven’t chose one yet..
And just now we were in the car…and she was yelling at me, because she wanted to go somewhere and I didn’t know where it was but some how […]
If I was real and told my new psychologist that I’m trying to get hold of enough heroin to od on, or my exit bagplan. I wonder if I told her I dream of diving off the m4 bridge would she offer some support? Or will I simply be locked up again? Should I be honest, can they really help me then?
So I told my house mate that I wasthinking about moving somewhere closer to campus and she was really angry. She said that I should have told her earlier. Her exact words was that I should have told her months ago because we should always share everything that we’re thinking. But I hadn’t even thought about considering moving anywhere months ago! We live really far from campus and it takes at least 20 min to bike there. I always have night classes and I’ve been having really early morning classes too where I have to start biking by 7am to get to campus on time. […]
Can someone help me?
What is the most painless way to suicide?
I’m thinking pills..
If Anyone Needs To Talk, I’m Here! Twitter: BrunoToTheMars. Or My Email: CassandraPadula97@Hotmail.com You Can Talk To Me On Either One Of Them Whenever You Want! You Guys Are Like My Own Family To Me. (I’m 15)
I just don’t see the use of living anymore. I’ve had 4 breakdowns and each one gets worse. Nobody understands. I don’t have money so the only therapy I got was a grad student in psych. He’s a nice guy but not enough to scrap me off the wall. People say suicide is about wanting to end the pain, not so much about wanting to end your life. But I’m always in physical and emotional pain and yeah, I want it to end. BUT when you can’t get the help you need to get better, why fight it anymore? […]
Never give up my friends on SP. Spring time will come sooner than we know. Nothing is permanent.
For what its worth, here’s one of my favorite songs by Krishna Das:
enjoy! 🙂
Hey there. My name is Stephanie.
I’ve lived a life basically filled with nothing but pain all my life, but it all really started when I was 9. I was born in Florida and lived there for six years of my life. My dad works for the government so I’ve moved multiple times in my life, and if you’ve moved a lot like me you know how hard it is. How hard it is to keep starting over from scratch, it’s even worse when you end up right back where you were before. When I was 6, i moved to Maryland outside of Washington DC. I […]
Even though I’m not depressed anymore and nothing bad is happening. I still consider suicide, I know for a fact that’s the way I’m going to die. I’m clear headed and everything. I’m most likely going to OD on heroin or drown myself (: And I don’t listen to people saying “Ohhh your going to hell” There’s not 1 verse in the bible that is against suicide, and it’s not the unforgivable sin 😀
My meds probably have me all “happy” and shet, I hate it I’m not really happy, I’m on drugs for christ sake lol. ANYONE ELSE think the way their gunna die is […]
I do not want this. I want to be somewhere else. I understood I can’t deal with love. I can’t love, I can’t love the way you do. The way I love is: I live him/her, that means I should leave him/her alone so that person can be happy. When I feel the “I want to be with you” love it’s pretty weird, because all I want is just run away, I feel like I want to throw up.
My doubts have been confirmed; my dad is an alcoholic. He’s as depressed as I am, and he wants this back to normal. I miss being a […]
I’m feeling so down. All I want to do is laying in my bed, sleeping, crying and cutting. I know I have to go to therapy every monday till friday from 9 am till 3 pm, but I really don’t want to do ANYTHING right now. I’m getting more scared and paranoid every day. Getting scared that someone is following me, or wants to steal my bag or purse. That kind of stupid things. I want to evade them, so I stay inside as much as possible. But the only thing I really want besides wanting to die, is just laying in my bed, sleeping, […]
It’s getting easier and easier to pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
Thinking about suicide used to vaguely panic me somewhere in my brain, whereas now it’s more of a comfort. It feels familiar. I like reminding myself that it is an option.
I’m going to go to the GP and tell him i’m not sleeping. I’ll keep the sleeping tablets in my room just in case. I just need to know I have them there.
Part of me thinks I should try and fix my head while I’m still not immediately wanting to die right now. Most of me can’t see the point. I wish […]
I can’t cope, I feel so hopeless and pained. My friend has just publically humilated me with her boyfriends help and got others to join in, she knows how vunreable i am right now and for her to do this hurts so much to me. I want to die, I want to die so badly, I sat in my living room by my family wishing so much that I could walk upstairs and slit my wrists so deep and just bleed to death. I slowly walked upstairs, picked up my razor crying and cut.
But ofcourse I only did it how i usuall did it, staight horizontal lines […]
I’ve come to the realization that living with these suicidal thoughts will probably never go away. This is my first time trying out an online community for suicide/depression or what have you because I feel I am running out of options. I feel I have no one who I can talk to in my life about these issues due to the deep shame that comes with them. Even though I feel I have a good support system, I don’t like feeling like I’m burdening those I love with all this I go through on a daily basis.
Getting to the point, I’ve realized that I am too scared to actually […]
flashing back into reality
stomped out by the gravity
every situation ways
more or less its all the same
days go by, time flys by
its a repeated cycle
cant never break the cycle
same shit different day
thats the way it always plays
whats one place from another
wheres the love my hateful brother?
i thought i could be made
if only i played the game
i played it to the end
where i learned you never can win
play to be played and stay to be stayed
who stills the hand and bares the water?
where the love in ever after?
what must be done to change the tide?
to turn back the clock and take the time
no one knows but everyone […]
My birthday is on February 1st, this Friday, and I asked my mom
if we were going to do anything, an innocent question, right?
Her car hasn’t had a renewal sticker since November, which means its illegal for her to drive anywhere.
She and I had lost our jobs before the winter started, meaning we’re becoming dirt poor and can barely afford to keep anything we have.
I have a court trial coming up soon because of a statutory rape charge on my ex-boyfriend
I find myself thinking about hurting myself a lot or simply ending my life, but it would just put my family into more of a […]
Today I recall all the times I felt how it all would spin out of control. In my teens it was my grades, my friends, my home life. Nowadays it’s cash flow, job retention and paying the bills.
Today, I found out my wife is carrying a daughter.
I have never wanted to be alive as much as I do today and tomorrow and the day after that.
My wedding day was nice.  But today is the first day my life has felt sweet.
I wish you all feel this. It’s worth the struggle to get here.