Please, God, kill me!!

January 22nd, 2013 by Engeltje

I’m desperate. I don’t want to anymore. Please, God, I’m begging you, make sure I will die accidently. Let there be a strong wind, when I’m standing at the platform waiting for my train, so I’ll fall off the platform onto the rails and the train will drive over me and I’ll be dead. Or let my bus get a serious accident I won’t survive. Do something, God, I’m begging you. Kill me, it’s the only way to save me from myself. Please, God, make sure I’ll die…

~ What if there’s only one way out?
One way to feel better,
one way to love myself.
What if it’s the only option left?
The only option to feel better,
the only option to love myself.
But wouldn’t it be selfish to commit suicide? ~

For people who are interested: No, I don’t specifically believe in God. I’m agnostic.

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5 Responses to “Please, God, kill me!!”

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  1. God won’t take your life, because it isn’t your time to go yet. How can you be sure that suicide is the only way out? There must be another way. Please dont give up.

  2. Hi,
    I’ve just made an account today because I am also going through what practically everyone is feeling at this point. I myself wish everyday that I could just die overnight, in my sleep, or a have an accidental death that would be quick and painless. But that’s not what I’m here for. I just want to tell you, that unlike most people on this fucked up world that don’t care about anyone but themselves, I care. I’m currently studying psychology in hopes of being a therapist and helping those around me that suffer through this. I really hope you feel alright and, please, you are more than welcomed to message me if you need someone to talk to. One thing I’ve learned, is that you can trust those that go through this, better than those so called “friends” you make a school that have no clue about feelings like this. Not to say you don’t have any friends, I know I don’t after today, but I’m here to help you :) Cheer up, there’s always a reason for every person’s life. (I’m agnostic too by the way).

  3. @Dave_N,
    How do you know that sure that it’s not my time to go? Maybe it is. And I believe that suicide is the only way out, because I’ve tried so many things, and nothing, really nothing helped me. Mostly it only maked it worse. I struggle now for more than 12 years (I’m 16) and in all those years, it only get worse and worse, nothing works, except suicide. I know suicide won’t solve your problems and blahblahblah, but it will get me out of this fucked up life I live in.

    @Soroxen,
    Welcome on this site :), thanks for your reply. I am also a person that thinks first about other people, and then about herself. I think it’s a good thing, but it also swept me away, because I used to think about others first and didn’t think about myself. Didn’t cared enough about myself. It’s a beautiful thing that you’re studying psychology, I hope you’ll finish your study. I beg you’ll be a very good therapist. I already knew the thing about friends and people who go through the same thing. That’s also one of the reasons I post here my story. And actually I haven’t got any real friends, or I thought they were friends, but they weren’t. Thanks for your sweet reply.

  4. Yeah, this is also a reason why I like this site, nobody here is judgemental and they actually TRY to help others. Thank you for wishing me luck by the way :) I’m also that type of person to care about others before herself. I’m 17 by the way so I hope you don’t think I’m a pedophile or anything LOL anyways, I hope you’re feeling better today! I know I went through such a rough time yesterday that I also believed in ending my life, but you know I’m thankful for what happened because it made me realize who my true friends are and how even your “best friend” can be fake. Anywhooo, I’m sure you have friends :) those friends that you’re not so close to that still listen to you and help you? I’m sure they’re great friends :) I wish you the best of luck with anything and remember this: you’re stronger than what you think you are! The fact that you’ve been alive this whole time and have been able to conquer any obstacles that you’ve faced so far, shows your true strength! You are never alone (:

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