Two summers ago my dad died by an accident. Since then I’ve been fearing everything. I’m afraid of losing my friends and my other family members, I fear that they die too, that they got hurted, that they fall in depression, that they do harm to theirselves… I cry very often just thinking about what should I do that nothing bad would ever happen even I know that it’s something I can’t help. The fear drives me crazy and it disturbs my daily life.
I feel so selfish and stupid all the time. I feel like I don’t deserve to be around these amazing friends. I feel like I’m worthless and I can’t do any good for anyone even tought I try and try very hard.
I have cut my wrist when I was younger, but I decided to stop it becouse I knew it’s not good for me. I’ve been thinking disappearing. I want to leave and just close my eyes from world and be nobody, without any sadnes or darknes inside me.
I don’t have any friends at school and I’m lonely, I don’t wanna talk to any of my friends outside of school becouse I don’t wanna bother them. I’ve been thinkin suicide many years, but I haven’t ever tried that becouse I don’t wanna hurt my family.
I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of worrying all the time. I’m tired of trying to make others happy. I have never been in realtionship, even if I’m adult. It’s not like I wouldn’t have want to, but it’s just that nobody has never liked me. I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me.
I just want to sleep.
2 comments
there is nothing wrong with you, trust me, I bet you’re a beautiful person inside out, and id love, to be your friend. you’ve been through a lot and its quite understandable how you feel, personally I feel the same way a lot of the time too, know that you’re not alone<3 but everything in life comes in phases;some last way longer than the others, but a brighter day will come,until then just hold on love,you're strong, you'll get through it xx
Hello Bloody,
I assume that you are under 18 and I feel for you with what you are saying, the way you feel means that you are inherently a good person. What you feel is sorrow and anxiety because you loved your father very much he will be smiling down on you how ever it works.
For the truth, non of us are here forever, you, me the world, the future is not for us to know. The way to beat what you are feeling is to remember your dads greatest legacy (achievement) is you and no matter what happens you have the opportunity to enjoy life, that’s all any of us have, the opportunity. Enjoy it, enjoy others no matter what happens they will be happy that you enjoyed it with them.
Don’t let it fester like me, suicide is not an escape its not fun, there is no salvation in it. Enjoy your sleep while you can but use your pain to achieve great things. What I don’t think you fully understand yet is that the pain you feel now can be turned into a great strength enabling you to achieve things others cannot.
Be strong, live long make your father proud and your family will surround you with love through your courage. We all die, we all hurt but you also deserve to live, you are not selfish.
p.s. You make others happy by being happy not making them happy otherwise their selfish.
Sincerest Wishes
Nocternal