I think I’m a selfish brat who deserves to be hated.

February 28th, 2013by Bloody

Two summers ago my dad died by an accident. Since then I’ve been fearing everything. I’m afraid of losing my friends and my other family members, I fear that they die too, that they got hurted, that they fall in depression, that they do harm to theirselves… I cry very often just thinking about what should I do that nothing bad would ever happen even I know that it’s something I can’t help. The fear drives me crazy and it disturbs my daily life.
I feel so selfish and stupid all the time. I feel like I don’t deserve to be around these amazing friends. I feel like I’m worthless and I can’t do any good for anyone even tought I try and try very hard.
I have cut my wrist when I was younger, but I decided to stop it becouse I knew it’s not good for me. I’ve been thinking disappearing. I want to leave and just close my eyes from world and be nobody, without any sadnes or darknes inside me.

I don’t have any friends at school and I’m lonely, I don’t wanna talk to any of my friends outside of school becouse I don’t wanna bother them. I’ve been thinkin suicide many years, but I haven’t ever tried that becouse I don’t wanna hurt my family.

I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of worrying all the time. I’m tired of trying to make others happy. I have never been in realtionship, even if I’m adult. It’s not like I wouldn’t have want to, but it’s just that nobody has never liked me. I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me.

I just want to sleep.

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