Read, please, I want you to know how im feeling.

yeah, so this is the first time im posting something on this site, 3 weeks ago, my friend Steve suicided in the cafeteria, everyone saw it, blood on the wall behind him, gun on the ground, I stayed in the cafeteria for 3 hours, then a teacher told me to go and relax. Im moving in 3 days, my parents are not together anymore, it feels really bad, plus my dad told me it was my fault, and my mom told me I was ”retarded”.. She told this to me because when I told her that I need help, the first thing she told to me was ”Your acting like an attention whore”.This completly destroyed me, my dad, own a M9 Berretta, and I know where it is, every single night, I take a look on the gift Steve gived me two days before dying. And I feel like I could have the luck to have my own blood stain all over the wall, and a gun in the hand. Yeah, at this point, im telling myself that I would be LUCKY, if I suicide. Nothing’s great in my life, plus, at the age of 10 I lost my twin sister, she was my everything, the only person I ever trusted. I dont want to live anymore, I know some of you understand me.