I was 16 when I first attempted suicide. It was getting late, around 5pm on a school day. I didn’t go to school that day either, I skipped school to hang out near a lake by myself. Yeah… “super fun”. “I hated school, I hated friends, I hated family, I hated myself, I hated life, and I wanted to die” was what I spent the entire morning and afternoon contemplating about. Life. Death. Would anybody really care if I was to “disappear” the next day? I lay there, near the lake’s edge and on some clean grass. I was staring at this tree’s colorful leafs and how the wind moved the leaves to dance, sounds of leafs shuffling and the sun’s warmth on my body. It felted nice. I felt at peace. Time was ticking away and before I knew it, it was 8 pm. The sun was down and my vacation near the lake suddenly became a nightmare. It was getting dark out side, and I was getting scared, but I was more scared of going home, of having to live another day of skipping school, causing problems for my family, and pain to myself. I came to the lake prepared for the night. I took out a bottle of Grey Goose’s Vodka out of my backpack, and I took several sip straight from the bottle itself. It tasted horrible! Pulling out a cigarette’s carton from my jean, I lit myself a smoke to ease out the vile taste of alcohol. I spent the rest of several hours, trying to take down ever drop of vodka there was from that bottle, and there was a LOT of it. I can’t remember much after that, except for the fact that I was on an empty stomach and was a first time drinker that was drinking heavily on an empty stomach. I passed out. Some officer that was searching for me, founded me and drove me to the hospital. My family did care, and they called the police to find me. My mom was crying, or so she tells me the next day when I woke up with the WORSE hang over of my life. It was an ill planned suicide, and I’m not sure how I would have planned to kill myself that night, too. I guess, I thought that if I was drunk enough, that I could roll into the lake and just drown. But that didn’t happen, I just passed out cold, and luckily got found by an officer. There is nothing worse than the feeling of a fail suicide attempt. I lay there in the hospital’s bed, seeing how much my parent had cared and the trouble that was made just for me. Worse feeling ever. Sigh… Life is still a pain.
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