I am a dreamer, I admit. I am not always realistic. That’s a fact. I followed my dreams. I was never afraid to chase after the crazy ideas in my head. The processes has been painful. I have failed again and again, yet managed to slip by. I watch as my grades hit catastrophic lows and my social life deteriorates. All of my dreams are slipping through my fingers. Why can’t I do what everyone else can? I am intelligent. I am creative. I have endless possibilities. …But that’s all they’ll ever be… possibilities. While I could write a poem that would bring you to tears, write an essay that would change your perspective on life, solve an advanced mathematical equation with ease, or retell the entire history of ancient Rome in an amusing and light hearted way, I can’t live a normal life. I can’t walk into a classroom, I can’t turn in assignments, I can’t ask simple questions, I can’t keep track of anything, for fuck’s sake sometimes I can’t even get out of bed. My anxiety and Depression stop me from functioning in everyday life. How will I ever hold down a job? How will I even finish school? How will I face my family? How will I face myself? How will I even survive the next two months? How the fuck am I ever going to reach my dreams? I love school. I love learning. I love class. I even love class work and tests. …But I love them too much… I love them so much that I want myself completely absent from them… as I perceive myself as a threat to these things. I am a threat to art. To society. I push away my close friends… I want to shower them with love and affection but that would only cause them to return the favour… Please… Don’t get involved in this mess I created. The only thing I have ever been good at is breaking hearts and ruining dreams.
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