I’m done!

To be honest I don’t know why I’m here… I just want a place to write down what I feel, without someone judging me or calling me an attention seeker, I’m not looking for someone to pity me or anything like that. I just want to express my self.
Every week of every day and every minute and every second I feel like I should die! I have never experienced true love or true friendship, but what I know is that I feel so lonely and sad that I cry every night! I don’t know why I haven’t killed myself already to be honest… Every day I think up more then 10 different ways I could kill myself. It’s actually getting worse, like I feel I need help, but then I feel like nothing can help the pain, it’s horrible, I actually don’t know what to do with my life, I feel like  my best friends don’t care anymore, like they just want me to die, that if I’m gone their life’s would be way better, and on the 19th it would be five years since my granddad died, he was the only one that truly listened to me, he was always there for me, and when he died I felt that I had no one, I tried so hard to get over it but I can’t an to think that on the 19th of this month it’s been five years since I seen or heard his voice, is making me want to kill myself even more., and I actually do try not to think of it but it’s hard, it really is.. I’m trying my best here, but I just don’t see the reason for living, or for breathing, I’m just done.