Live in Seattle, almost 30, unemployed and single.  Live at home w/my Mom, lil Sis, and her boyfriend. I feel super unwelcome in my own home. They treat me like I shouldn’t exist. That’s enough to make anyone suicidal. I suspect I’m bipolar. Dunno though I’ve never been diagnosed. Even if I was certain it’s not like there’s a cure. I’m having difficulty managing my life, all I can do is drink whenever I get the chance. I always feel alone even when I’m with my closest friends. People I’ve known for more than a decade. I just feel trapped and that nobody cares. I’m […]
March 2013
I wanna be strong enough.
to fight.
I wanna be tough enough.
to survive.
but even fighters gotta give.
and even weaklings gotta live.
i want to breathe, but it’s too hard.
I want to feel, but i got no heart.
I sold it,
a long long time ago,
sold it to the devil,
along with my soul.
And God won’t help.
He hasn’t for a while.
but i still pray,
But I guess it’s not His style.
He doesn’t care for me,
he does’nt care at all,
I guess I’ve asked too much of Him,
Cause he won’t answer when I call.
So I’ll […]
i am a kamikaze pilot my target is the USS depression i will sink the ship and free my soul from my body and free myself of this world.
I don’t even know why I try, I always fail. It’s always a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of love. Noone ever loves me the way I love them. Noone ever really cares. This time it’s too much, it’s too painful and the wounds aren’t healing. The only way I know to be at peace and not hurt is to die. My tyme for freedom is coming soon.
so cold ….not hearted but physically well that what i get for being anorexic but wait im anorexic because of bullies so its not my fault….wish i could stop and recovery but im too fat …sadly where i cut fat in my arm has faded 🙁
This was originally a much longer post.
Until I saw other people getting responses whilst you cunts ignored ME.
Thanks for proving me right. There’s no one who gives a fucking shit about me here, either.
Fucking cunts.
There’s no other site like this one in the internet world that I’ve seen, and that I actually like. My relationship with this place is more of a love/hate relationship. I’ve been here many times in the past, the last time ending in an apocalyptic fashion, as I would have described it then. Those days were godless, drama filled, and just black.
So I guess I’m here again not to prove some sort of point like before, but to try and be more creative through poems, short stories, and my descriptions of events, people, and my own self. I don’t expect advice from anyone. To be […]
I had my first boyfriend when I was fourteen. I made a mistake by trusting him, loving him, thinking he really loved me. I introduced him to my mum, who was cool about it.
But then he tried to rape me. I got away, but it was too late, he already had taken pictures of me topless. I am not getting them back.
I did not know it right away, but one day, I thought erase my mistake, rub it off, get it over with, so I messaged him on MSN, telling him what would happen if anyone knew of that day. Then he used […]
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i don’t believe in the cult but i like there suicide method and like them i hope god picks me up when i die on the back of an angel im turning 21 next year i know that i can buy vodka but what about the phenobarbital does anyone know how to get barbiturate phenobarbital or does anyone now how to make barbital was marketed as vernol
the world is a matrix i must get out i must get free
Now aren’t I a sarcastic *****? eh, whatever. i really don’t give a shit about you. you’ll just be 16 with, what? how many babies? hahah, yeah. (****** right?*) mmm, the life of an average teenager, they got all them std’s and kids following them around, finding out that “somehow the condom broke!” (*Omg I wonder how??? *rolls eyes**) Yeah, and I’m being raised in this american hell. Bitches think they need to make themselves throwup to be perfect. they think they need to be so skinny. (*I should talk, what with being anorexic last year. (sigh)*) And what the hell is wrong with guys […]
some thing wondafull and horabull has happnd to me
i fell in love with a girl and you shuod be smilles all rawnd but love has hert me so meney times i dont whant that to happun agen but its to late she fownd out from a frend never trust girls frend with aney thing so wating for the axe to fall here we go i know this is petey and its 1 of 100s of problemes but i just whant to say 2 things
1 we can love what ever other people say
2 love has slapt me in the face so meney times im not shure […]
Hey guys! I’ve noticed a lot of negative energy surpassing my computer screen and mingling with my mind reading your life stories. I honestly think that it’s time we change our ways or at least attempt to make our lives brighter. Many of us are young and struggling with the convoluted ways of life while others are a bit older, wondering how you made it this far. Many of us don’t know what to do with life; you’re simply stuck. Many of us were/are sexually, mentally, verbally and physically abused. Many of us feel  like life is nothing but a tragedy. (Trust me, I’ve been everywhere you have).  However, if we […]
I’m 21 years old…a college dropout, jobless, single, and I got out of the hospital a few weeks ago after trying to hang myself. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 and PTSD in 2010 and every time I try to get help it fails. My meds aren’t working and the past two days have been an emotional nightmare as I’ve been preparing to take my life. I don’t want to be talked out of it either…I just want to share my thoughts before I do it.
I’ve been severely depressed since I was a young child. My father was emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive […]
why? it’s a question I am always asking myself
why am I doing this?
why do I want to be perfect?
why me?
why am I different?
why do people treat me like this?
why do I harm myself?
why do I hate myself?
why do other people hate me?
and I don’t know how to answer any of them, but they’re always there haunting me, making me hate myself for what I do, make me hate everyone else for not caring enough to notice me, make me hate my life and causing me to inflict more self harm. It is a never ending circle, one I feel I will never escape, […]
I can’t do this any longer. It hurts to breathe, to think. K pce
i have scars. yeah, they’re pretty bad. all up my arms and legs. But they serve a nice purpose. they remind not to do dumb shit like trust anyone, or believe there is hope, or even believe in general. they remind me that life is one big game of lies, of which, i lose. They remind me that life is like a funhouse mirror, you think everything is perfect until you step in front of one. and then BAM! everything just goes wack. so yeah, I wear black. “typical emo” though right? (*bastards*) I wear black to remind me that everyday is a day to […]
A close friend of mine did something similar to this on his page so I decided to try it too. The difference is I guess my suicidal thoughts and low self esteem started long before online friends or dating.
I grew up in a family of eight plus. We did foster care for two kids so there was sometimes an extra girl in the house. I was always biologically the oldest though. If you’ve grown up in a big family, then you probably understand where I’m coming from when I say it’s like survival of the fittest. And when the three oldest siblings are you […]