We all go through pain. Whatever the cause, pain is pain. No one likes to be in pain when it comes to emotions. We all have stories, I want to share mine. I am 23, college grad recently, I’m good looking and I go to the gym.. I use too. I stopped going. I stopped doing lots of things that I use to love doing. I’ve been depressed for 3 months, 2 months before I was suffering from anxiety. I’ve never felt like a winner before in my life. Anything that I do always blows up in may face till this day no matter how positive or optimistic I was. I was scrawny, picked on and I didn’t have many friends when I was a kid. I felt alone even though I had siblings and parents that love me. I still am grateful for them. Since I was 11, I felt that it would be better if I was never born. I never attempted anything though. High school was kind of a high point in my life though. Recently, I graduated college. I should be excited and happy to be starting a new phase in my life.. that’s not the case. I never found out what I wanted to do with my life. Nothing interested me much. I have a BA in a major I don’t give a damn about. Why because, I was too busy with my head up my ass. Playing videogames, hanging out, girlfriend, you know, being young. I also was chasing a dream, but then I later realized that the dream I had being in the music biz wasn’t for me. I decided to put that behind me and as of now, I have no dreams or goals or any ambitions anymore. I fell into depression the beginning of this year over love woes, worrying about the future, worrying about finding a job in this fucked up economy, life in general. Then last week, the worst day of my life to date happened. My dog who I had since I was 12 was diagnosed with cancer and he had to be put to sleep that same day. Anyone who doesn’t really know what it is to take in a dog, cat, any animal for that matter, you are taking in not only a pet, but a new edition to the family. That was what my dog was, family. He wasn’t just a dog. Because of him, he helped me stop thinking negative as a kid and made me happy. I thank him for that. I knew he was getting old but to find out that he was suffering really broke me. He is in a better place now. But now, if anything, because that week I was really planning on bettering myself and trying to break out of this depression, his death was the final straw that broke the camels back. Looking at my life, I can say that it’s pitiful. Because I lost interest in things that I use to love doing. I stopped looking for love because I always fuck up. I don’t have the drive anymore the will to live. I’ve lost weight because of the stress. I’ve actually restored in my faith in God for a while before this depression and I decided to stop praying because he isn’t listening to my begs of mercy to show me happiness again. So I’m alone, not social, depressed, insomniac, unemployed, looser who wastes time. I’ve fallen rock bottom and I’m sinking into the sediment. I don’t have any hopes for my future if I decide to live long enough. I don’t see a bright time ahead of me. I hate life and I think I’m a misanthrope because I don’t seem to really like people. I know that I’m not normal. Everyone I know is succeeding and have goals, I dont. I don’t have anything that I am good at.. I don’t know what else to do in my life..
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