I can’t believe it.
She’s gonna die. She hasn’t died yet, but she’s on the brink.
My BEST FRIEND who has cancer is going to be gone forever. I just don’t know what to do! I can’t help her because I’m not magical, but I can’t help feeling that I’m supposed to do something. Seriously, I’m just lost.
She has an overall positive attitude about it, on the outside. But if you have a best friend, you can tell when they are actually fine and when they are scared shitless. She is scared shitless, and who can blame her?
She has less than a year to live. What am I gonna do? I’ve lost a best friend before and I don’t know if I can live through it again. I’m just not sure. I’m scared out of my mind, I can’t eat, I already couldn’t sleep but now I have another thing on my mind. What am I going to do? My mother has decided that she’s going to ship me back to Ireland to stay with my aunt. As much as I want to go back home, I can’t. I have to stay with Kelsey as long as I can, but I can’t say no to my mum. She’s not giving me an option. It’s like my mum hasn’t got a heart. I promised Kelsey that I’d be there for her through everything, everything. And I intend on keeping that promise, Lord knows I’ve broken too many.
She says that she only wants four things out of the rest of her life.
1. She wants to see a 1D concert
2. She wants me to fall in love with 1D (Im not there biggest fan…at all)
3. She wants to go to Ireland to see where I grew up and see all of the beautiful things in Ireland. (to which I replied “There are too many beautiful things in Ireland. You’d never be able to see them all if you had a hundred years.”)
4. She wants me to be happy.
The last one shows just how sweet she is. She doesn’t think of herself, even when she’s dying. I wish I could do the same. She’s going to die, for Christ’s sake. God, that word seems so horrible; die. It’s so final and dark.
I can’t believe she’s going to die. I’ve probably said that a million times, but whatever. I love her. She’s my best friend.
I have the shittiest love life. (I’m bisexual btw) I fall in love with people who I’ll never get. I fall in love with people who will always turn me down, who are my best friends, or who I jsut flat out don’t deserve. I’ve fallen in love with people before, but the last one I actually loved killed himself. Now, the only person I’ve actually loved since him is dying too.
Why does life have to suck?
Sorry to bugger you.