I was only 6 years old when I was told I was to fat and my grandparents bribed me with $100 to lose 20 pounds… I did but little id I know this was just the beginning to my eating disorder…. Threw out schooling all the kids forced me to go on diets so I would look how they wanted and be like them so they did’t haft to been seen with ugly old me… After a while my parents joined into the torment… for as long as I can remeber I binged my problems away.. around grade 4 I started starving myself to be skinny…. Everyday I’d throw away my lunch and hide my dinner… I’d go days without eating…. I still starve to this day. After I got to grade 6 starving and binging we not helping anymore… I exparemented with cutting.. I liked it! So I added that to my list of addictions! It was the end of grade 7 when I decided I had had enough of thoes assholes and switched schools for grade 8! It started off awesome! I loved it! people LIKED me for what I looked like and I even got a boyfriend for a couple weeks. all of a sudfden my best friend from my old school was being bullied so much to the point where her arms were so cut you could berly see her skin… I began to cut again.. we had a plan to attempt suicide together… her mom took all her electronics away for an unknown resin and she went ahed without me… luckaly her parents caught her in time and took her to the hospital where they fixed her all up! I had hoped… I was so happy she was okay she slowly fell back down hill and we were both into drugs now.. he mother ended up kicking her out so she stayed at another friends house and I spent all my time worring about her and started failing in school. she ended up getting shipped off to her dads house in manatoba… we lost conection.. this was around grade 9. I was still suicidal and cutting and smoking a lot…. I also started drinking.. one night I was sleeping over at a friends house and her brother offred to get us drunk. Life teenagers we said YES! so we went and got drunk.. after my friend passed out he asked to see me by the washroom… that is where he raped me twice… I was so drunk I wasn’t able to move my body but I was awair of everything going on… It was HORRIBLE! I ended up cutting all the way up my arms after that.. my parents found out but we never pressed charges as I didn’t want people to know… little did I know it was already all over school and people though I was a whore! so I lived that “name” they gave me and slept with this guy I was dating to the extreme… we dated for a year but I’ll get onto that later…. after this things just went down hill…. my best friend did move back after her mom got pregnate so she could help take care of the baby. her and I had fights a lot because I didn’t want to get help when she knew I needed it… she ended up getting frustrated as told me our friendship was over and that I could never be helped and I deserved everything that has happed to me… I’ve been purging since grade 8 as Ii forgot to add in.. after she left me… my best friend named chris ended up telling me to go kill myself… I tired… all my “friends” took his side as i’m “CRAZY!” I opened up an instgrm venting acc called @Dreaming_for_the_end summer had finaly started for the end of grade 9! I was so happy but close to the end… august 13th my bestfriend the girl who told me I could never be helped killed herself… I went to her funeral 3 days later… it was the hardest thing in my life…. i cried everynight for 4 days straight when I found out… I hadnt slept bacuse all I could think about was her… I ended up cutting more thasn I have in my life… my leg is shredded…. ive never cut so deep…. i final found a way to ease my mind to go back to school to be bullied being called a crazy bithc from all my scars and my crazy ex ( the guy i dated for two years) he is still as I type this spredding nasty un true shit about me behind my back.. I now have no fiends because of him… but i don’t know how mut I really am still inlove with him even if he is trying to ruin my life… Tonight is my time… Ive gone threw so much and I am finaly ready to take the pills and let go.. thank you for reading threw this and stay strong <3 It’s just my time to go </3
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