So you want to know what it’s like? What it really feels like, without the sugar coating.
Well it’s simple it’s painful.
When you find out you sit there for at least ten minutes, your mouth wide open like a goldfish. Oh but your not breathing, your in shock. You can’t believe it, you just sit and stare, unable to move or do anything. Then it starts to sink in and your breathing again but too fast you start to feel dizzy, then you start shaking. Then the tears come and they come fast, you can’t control them they pour and pour out of your eyes making them sting. Your breathing is forced and harsh, your throat burns your eyes sting and you can’t stop it, your shaking, who do you tell? You can’t tell anyone because you’re a mess.
You end up crying yourself asleep. When you wake up the next morning your eyes are puffy and you wonder if its all just a dream but no it was real. Then the cycle starts again. You never get over it. And don’t bullshit me that ‘it’s okay’ because it’s not. And when your grieving you know that you will get over it eventually, but that feeling that sick feeling in your stomach and the ache in your heart never leaves when you think about it it’s always going to be there. People make imprints on your heart and your soul. Those don’t leave.
So if you really want to help shut up and just let me be sad. Don’t try to make me happy, that will happen when it happens. And don’t say it’s okay, and don’t say that it will get better, and don’t you dare say that he wouldn’t want me to feel this. Becuase losing someone is painful. There’s no other way to describe it.