Why I hate my life

So I’m gonna get this shit of my chest. I’m insane. I know that now. I’m so close to killing myself. My family are the root of all my insanity. They fought when I was younger and now I have to pay the price. I’ve become Bi-polar, depressed, suicidal and many more things. First off my Mother. She can be a great mom sometimes and I do love her but she is an idiot most of the time. My Brother is horrible. He is 18 and still living with our parents and doesn’t have a job or go to collage. He treats my mom like shit and yet she gives him EVERYTHING he wants. Now my Father. Oh boy my father I used to look up to him as a little kid. I was a daddy’s girl. But as I got older I realized how bad he was. I think he did stuff to me in my sleep. He used to come in my room at night and stuff. He is always behind me and shit. Now on to people I care about. My boyfriend Adam. I love him with all my heart. He is amazing to me and does anything to make me happy. But his mom caught us sexting and she took away his computer and now I haven’t seen him in 1 and a half months. He gets on facebook almost everyday after school to talk to me until his mom gets home. He is perfect to me. He does everything for me.  Now my best friend Grace. She is amazing! She is funny, sweet and a lot more. She is like my sister and she is always there for me. I know I can tell her anything. But two people in my life are keeping me for going completle insane. I promised them that I wouldn’t kill myself but I’m on my last nerve. I draw my charater (Allie) Killing herself all the time. Or I draw random gore art. If I do kill myself it will be by knife because I want to see myself bleed. I’m glad I got this off my chest. If I do kill myself I’m sorry to everyone I love. and I’m sorry to Grace and Adam for breaking my promise. I doubt things are gonna get better.