Being told you are worthless for the past 8 years

January 5th, 2014by neverendinghell

I don’t want to die. I don’t want to give up, but I cannot continue living in agony and have the one person who is suppose to be there for me, protect, and show guidance; put me down and make me live in constant regret of my mistakes.

I have one possible chance at getting out of this hell of an environment. However, it seems unlikely that it may happen due to the lack of response.

How can anyone stay positive when you’re constantly put down?

You know I can’t afford to leave otherwise I would have done that already. But you threaten me regardless. You take advantage of that fact and don’t care if I end up on the streets.

You admit that you tell your gold digging cunt of a wife to treat me like shit. You blatantly admitted that. Telling her that it is okay to tell my siblings I am a stranger. To hate me, to distance them from me when I have done nothing but love them and treat them well. Go fuck yourself.

You feed into her lies, her obvious lies which I have proven yet you push me. She throws things at me yet when I make a swing I am in the wrong. You defend her because she threatens to leave you therefore you condone her treating your first daughter like shit. She disrespects you and you take it. You are a pathetic excuse for a father.

I haven’t been there for you? I’m the only one that has been there for you. I was there to take you to the emergency room when you were in pain, I was there whenever you needed help understanding something you didn’t know, and I was there whenever you needed help to avoid a scam. I WAS THERE BUT YOU TELL ME I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU??? I AM SELFFISH? Go rot in hell.

I lived my life in constant regret. I finally realized that it is because I am consistently reminded of my mistakes. You only dwell on the negative things I have done, therefore I forever a fuck up. I could easily have ended up as a drunk or a drug addict but I instead strive so hard to find a job in this shit economy and pay for school to avoid debt. But even that has become unattainable and further pushed back to accomplish.

I don’t have a family that cares. I don’t have friends who are truly there for me during hard times.

I am told to keep my head up and to stay positive on a frequent basis yet how can that be possible when all that I try ends up against me and the one person I try so hard for affection shoots me down.

I feel worthless, pitiful, and not deserving of a happy life.

I don’t want to die. But if things don’t go through as planned, I know I have done all that I could.

8 years is enough suffering.

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