Hey guys. I need some advices here. I know at the end it’s totally up to me but I don’t know, maybe you could help.
I’ve been feeling very very down the last 3 weeks. I was really giving up about life. I did post something about this not long ago. Somehow, yesterday, I found the strengh to tell a friend that I needed to talk. We talked a little bit by text message and I asked if she could find time to meet in real person to talk. And she said yes. Seriously, I know Im not lucid now ’cause I’m hurt and it was just text messages, but I felt like I was forcing her to do this.
She is one very close friend but I’ve been having trouble with her for a few months now. Mostly because it’s the only friend i really have for now (i have other friends, but they all live far away). Her schedule is filling itself very quickly lately, and she doesn’t really have time for me anymore. She met her boyfriend 2 months ago too, so she’s in love and not much available.
I really am better than you would think, about giving her space, but now, you know I miss her…
So she told me we could talk tonight. But this morning she also told me she only would be available for 3 hours, cause she’s having diner with her boyfriend at 7:30. She is the one who convinced me to try and talk about stuff, that it would help me, and I decided to trust her, and talk with her. I was planning on telling her everything. Like… every little detail that hurts me in my life. I’m really anxious about it, cause really, I never share my feeling with anybody, I just hate it and I feel like people are expecting me to be stronger than I am, when they know how I feel.
So now… I’m wondering… do I tell everything, really. She got limited time apparently… and i don’t feel free. And I was thinking I could tell her about my suicidal thoughts, and I don’t know if I really should. I’m afraid she will think I just need attention or maybe it will hurt her cause her mother tried to kill herself twice. I don’t wanna hurt her. I don’t want pitty from her either. I just thought maybe talking about it would force me to be stronger, because lets face it, she might try to keep an eye on me after that. I don’t want her to force me to seek medical help though… and I’m afraid I won’t be able to end my life later, if I ever fall down again.
I don’t know. What should I tell her, really ?