Ever since I was five my family and I have been hit with some bad karma. It all started when my dad went to jail for forty years. He got a year for every time he raped my sister. When he went to jail my mom got a boyfriend immediately. He was really nice for a year. Then he asked my mom to marry him. We were all very happy for them. Except my dad refused to divorce my mom. Which i am very grateful for or we would still be in that hell hole. When she started dating him she started doing cocaine with him. His true colors came out when we found out he had a drinking problem. He would beat my mom almost every night, but she refused to leave him. The cops came to our house like five times a week. We have lived in a women’s shelter three different times. I remember this one specific time when he got really drunk and my mom hid his beer in my closet. My brother, sister, mom, and me were sitting in my room, when he decided to beat down my door with a hammer. My mom pushed herself up against the door to protect us and her ears started pouring blood. He has broken her back three time times, and her nose four. They have sold a lot of our stuff for drugs. Soon my mom went to jail for the second time for stealing a ladder. We moved in with my aunt so we didn’t have to live with him. We were happy to be there but that changed when my aunt’s husband decided he hated us. My mom soon got out of jail and we moved back in with her boyfriend. He started treating us more terrible than before. Then my sister got pregnant at sixteen by his boss they she fell in love with. He was twenty-eight. He found out and started being really hateful towards my sister. That’s when she got an abortion and we moved out. After almost nine years. So we moved into this small house and i had to share a room with my sister. Ever since we have moved in with my mom’s ex-boyfriend my mom has blown me off or ignored me for him. It got even worse when we moved out. Because she had found a new boyfriend. While she was being fed nice meals by him we were practically starving. Because she stayed with him and we stayed at home. Well they broke up and she had no money to get us food because she couldn’t get a job. Because she had so many felonies we were almost starving. That’s when she stole food for us. She got caught and went to jail. We moved in with our aunt again. They treated us like shit. Our cousins were kind but they weren’t. We constantly got in fights when they decide to go to counseling. I never talked even know they had made me depressed. I moved back in there when i was twelve. I had started cutting and having really bad suicidal thoughts then. They were killing me inside so, i drew pictures about suicide to calm myself down and started listening to screamo. It didn’t help to much. My mom got out of jail. And my aunt got really angry at her for something. They threatened to change our schools which everyone knows my brother can’t because hes in eleventh grade and has all the really smart classes. So if he moved it would ruin his scholarship. So my aunt got mad at him and kicked him out then me and my sister because he wanted to keep me in my school. So me and my brother are now currently living with my grandma. My sister with her friend and my mom also. I thought it would get better but it didn’t. I recently decided i was bisexual and I told my closest friends and my sister. While my aunt was packing up our stuff she found my pictures and told my mom. My mom has been even more distant and loving me less since then. My birthday was Monday and I turned thirteen. My mom did not come see me on my birthday nor get me anything. I’m cutting more and more everyday and my depression getting worse. I told my mom those pictures were a friends and she believed me. So she does not know i’m depressed. She has called me twice this week and my brother everyday. She also cared more about my brother today and barely spoke to me. I have really bad thoughts in my head right now. I only told half the story there’s a lot more.
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Oh sweetheart, your story is very difficult I cant imagine how painful it must be to deal with so much at such a young age. I too struggled with my sexuality at a young age and my family did not approve. I am also bisexual and for a long time it was very difficult for me. I know how you feel in that regard and I promise you it does get better. Thirteen is a hard age for most people. The situation with your mother and her incarceration and the abuse by her boyfriend- all of that is so stressful. I know what it is like to have a mother that does not show she cares for you. Not in the same ways as your mother but I can understand the pain of that rejection. Honey, I just want you to know that these adults in your life- they are making terrible mistakes that have nothing to do with you. They would be making the same mistakes whether you were their child or someone else altogether. I know this is a very hard time for you but please do not hurt yourself. You are a good person in a bad situation. You have the strength inside you to get through this. If you ever need a person to talk to you dont ever hesitate to reach out okay. I am here and I care very much about what you are going through. I would never judge you. My email is yellowbirdsinging@gmail.com. I am always here if you need to even just vent or let it all out. I would like to hear the rest of your story. My name is Jynn- if things had gone differently for me in my life I would have a child your age right now as we speak. My heart goes out to you- you are not alone.