That’s pretty much the story of my  life.
i always wonder, why am i so sad?… everything is (or at least seems) fine.
my body works how it’s supposed to, i’ve got a decent house, a family who i think loves me, things have been going rather okay lately, and i have never been through really painful situations….
but no matter what i feel like like there’s something missing…like i’m the odd one everywhere i go.
i hate myself. i hate the way i look, the way i speak, think, live, act….
the truth is i don’t want to die…. but i don’t wanna live either – i just want to disappear, go away somewhere else where i don’t have to deal with my current situation.
waking up gets harder everyday…
and i don’t know how much longer i’ll be able to hold on.
3 comments
problems. That’s what’s missing.
And so, you put on a melancholy tune, and pretend you have problems, and pretend to feel the sadness the song sings about, and for a moment, you feel “less miserable,” due to tricking yourself into feeling like you have problems. But you don’t, and soon the song ends, and the fantasy fades, and you’re back to your perfect, problem-lacking life… which you just can’t stand. So you look for anything that can be construed as a problem, like your looks, your vocal mannerisms… you dissect yourself from various angles, telling yourself this or that is “a problem.” Suddenly, you’ve created a real problem: you hate yourself for no reason, just because you wanted to feel like you had problems. But since you don’t realize this, you have no idea why you’re really bothered… and you don’t like how it feels to have a real problem you can’t solve… and the only reason you can’t solve it, is because you’ve created false problems out of nothing, and so the only way to solve those types of problems, is to just change your mind. Decide you don’t like problems. Decide you don’t have any problems, and that’s just great.
Bam, cured. You’re welcome.
p.s.- stop listening to melancholy music; it’ll only make you feel more melancholy… which is apparently exactly what you’re complaining about (which is exactly what i said it does, in that other post… and now, here we are)
Seriously, how does waking up get harder… if you don’t even have any problems? You don’t even have a situation! Your only “situation,” is that everything is fine, and you apparently wish it wasn’t.
You don’t know how much longer you’ll be able to hold on? To what? A nice life without serious problems? LOL…
Well, good luck with all that.
ouch.
‘the truth is i don’t want to die…. but i don’t wanna live either – i just want to disappear, go away somewhere else where i don’t have to deal with my current situation.’
Meloncholybaby, you explained it best here. This is exactly how I would describe my life.
Anyway, though, it sounds like you have depression–manic depression and maybe body dysmorphia going off what you just said. I don’t have any good advice as I deal with these things 😐 But I wish you luck in your life xo