I’ve suddenly found myself in a situation where my life is about to come to a full stop. I’m 29 years old, hold a Master’s degree, and was previously living a very good life. After graduate school I got a job working in a niche consulting firm. I was there for a little less than two years and decided to quit because I was unhappy on a daily basis. Instead of finding a new job before quitting, I impulsively decided to travel the world for three months and come back without any plan. After coming back from my trip, I was offered a great consulting position that was temporary. This position ended last month. Since then I’ve found it impossible to find a job. Over a month ago I started having anxiety attacks and fell into a deep, deep depression. My savings is rapidly being depleted. I have $43,000 in student loans that I’ll never be able to repay. I’m going to run out of money in a few months. I look for jobs all day everyday and there’s nothing I’m qualified for. I’m overqualified for low-paying jobs, so that’s not an option. I’m very close to being homeless without any prospects of ever getting a job. To make matters worse, my younger brother and sister live with me — so they’re going to go down with me. We don’t have any family left — it’s just the three of us. My plan is to move out in a few weeks and give them all the money I have left, which will probably be less than $7,000. I’m then going to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I wish there were some other way out of this but there isn’t. I’ve already been to graduate school, so going back to school isn’t an option. I have no family to fall back on. I have great friends, but they can’t support. I’m almost 30, so I’m in a weird place where I should already be in an established career. There is no way out of this other than suicide or homelessness. I could be homeless for a while, but I’ll eventually die from hunger. If I can’t find a job when I have a home, how am I going to find one when I’m homeless? I really don’t want to die. Everyday I cry about not wanting to die but there’s no way out. It’s a really scary place to be. Now I’m in the process of figuring out the most painless way to go since jumping of a bridge still seems terrifying.
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4 comments
hej please dont commit suicide. Have faith that things will work out. Think about your siblings. Everything will be ok. You are here for a reason. Dont give up please.
Sounds like the position I’m in, except I am younger at 25 and don’t yet have a Master’s. And I am not American. Unemployed nevertheless.
I presume you were backpacking as you travelled. I did the same after losing my job. I’ve always sensed that some of those nomads at the hostels are going through some life crisis, and travelling is a form of temporal escapism. Oh, and I met nutcases too at every other hostel I went.
But don’t give up man, have faith. By qualification you already have an edge over many other people.
I went through an entire life change at 35 when I found my fiance in bed with a much younger woman. My life felt ended. I too quit a job I hated and traveled 15,000 miles around the western USA, camping or staying with friends, all except two nights. When I came back to NC, what was I going to do?
To keep going, I got a job waiting tables. I advanced from restaurant to restaurant, made enough money to live on and had a blast doing it. Free food, lots of good exercise, great customers. The ‘better’ restaurants have horrible inconsiderate rich customers, but the money can be fantastic.
With a BA from Michigan, I never saw myself waiting tables for 25 years. But now I own three acres of forest and a modest home. I did all the contracting myself to save money and lived in a mobile home for 12 years while I paid off the land, septic, well, etc. But it can be done, and might beat jumping off a bridge.
So try waiting tables, downsize your lifestyle, and find a better job when the economy picks up.
There’s got to be a way to pay less on your loan while you’re seeking a job. Look into it. Most loan people would rather get something than nothing, which is what they would get if you jumped off that bridge. And, I hate to tell you, you might end up a crushed mess but alive.
Look into the restaurant business. Have a go at it. And all the best for your future.
Your post has been haunting my mind. Now I know why.
Please don’t leave your siblings all alone in this world. They need you. Perhaps think how they will feel if you abandon them.