Too far gone.

February 13th, 2014 by HateLife69

I’ve made too many stupid mistakes in my 26 years on this earth. There is no way for me to have a normal life any more. I got fired from my job of 8 years and now I cant get hired by any one. My wife works 10 hours a day and I am only working at a shitty temp job 20 hours a week. I feel like im not a man anymore. I just fucked up too many times and theres no way back. There are no second chances. Nothing will ever be the same. I dont feel suicidal yet but in the future i am sure that my life quality will digress to a point where i dont care any more. I am sick of worrying about money. I am sick of worrying about my wife leaving me. I am sick of being human. I stopped talking to my former friends and I don’t want any new friends. I dont talk to anyone anymore. I feel like i am socially broken; I am missing part of my sanity. Sometimes I think about how magical and open the world felt when i was a child and i wish i could get that back, but i am too far gone. theres no way back for me.

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6 Responses to “Too far gone.”

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  1. If your wife sees you are making an effort to get back on your feet and loves you she won’t leave you… if she did that wouldn’t be love, just a mixture of care+convenience… i think you know her better than that tho. You are hitting a rough patch but that doesn’t mean you can’t get back on your feet… if you still have your health and drive you can still turn things around. Just don’t shut people who care about you out, that is the worst one can do and it is what ultimately drives people who love you away.

  2. You’re right. There isn’t a way back for you because you’ve already been there. The only place you can go is forward. However it’s up for you to decide where you want to go next. You can either let the past drag you down further or you can move upstream. Now I don’t know about you but I like being on top. You can’t live in the past so don’t focus your energy thinking on what you could’ve done. Instead let your energy move you forward.

  3. My whore of wife of 14 years left me, I went through a period (2 years) of no actual job, tried to kill myself, and yet I am better today with a job and people who care.

    If I can do it, you can.

    I am not all the “way there” yet, but I hit the low spot and was there for a long time.

    Have hope, and trust in God, because only God has the power to do miracles. I am proof.

  4. And don’t say that you can’t get hired by anyone. You can become your own enemy when you make yourself believe things that aren’t true. You just gotta have some faith. Don’t give up. Even if nothing seems to be going right. Just because you can’t see success it doesn’t mean that it won’t come. as long as you keep fighting, success will soon knock on your door someday.

  5. I’m sorry to hear that you lost your job. If you’ve been there so long, I imagine it was a painful loss. Did all of this start when you lost your job or was your job just the last straw? How is you and your wife’s relationship? You should talk to her about the things that are bothering you.

    I doubt you feel like it, but you should try to maintain or rebuild social ties with your friends. If they’re good, supportive people, then they should sympathize when you tell them that things just haven’t been going right for you. Just the thought of being social can be tiring when you’re under stress, but I think times will come when you would be glad to be able to call those friends up.

    Don’t feel like a lesser man just because of money, especially if you’re sick of being a slave to it anyway. You’re still working right now, and you held your past job for nearly a decade; many people can’t say the same. You sound like a responsible adult, I’m sure others would admire you. If many things are bothering you, and you can’t think straight, then I think you should seek out a therapist to help you find solutions categorically. Knock out the problems one at a time.

  6. I’ve been there pal. Lost my job in early 2006. Fired. Our daughter was 10 months old.

    Go to school. Find someplace that will take you in a crappy job and remake yourself. You are who you make yourself. I’ve remade myself a half-a-dozen times.
    NEVER give up. NEVER surrender. Your duty is to your wife and yourself. The only time you are a failure, is when you fail to try.

    What happened with me? Went back to school, to become a teacher. Economy went south, couldn’t get a job as a teacher. I got lucky, from temp job, a company saw what I could do. I busted my butt. I’ve been there 3+ years now. It’s not teaching, but its a good job. I provide for my family. I can afford to be up at 12:40 at night typing this note to you. All because I tried, and kept trying. I changed my plans, arranged my life and made sacrifices so I could succeed. Do that, and you will too.

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