A weird and fucked up life

March 10th, 2014by missingryanandericand...

I start most weekends with drinking a bottle of wine, then I have another one and then another. I take a few Xanax and a Vicodin or two. Next thing I know its Monday morning and time to go to work again. When I don’t do that I do meth so I can forget about my life. Yet every Monday I get cleaned up and go back to my job that pays me 300k a year. Three of my friends have killed themselves. I have tried at least twice. Now days I rather dull things with liquor and Xanax or meth. So I can get up and make it to work Monday to Friday. I promised myself I wouldn’t be like them. I wouldn’t give up. I wouldn’t leave it to my friends to pick up my remains and bury my life. Yet sometimes I wonder, perhaps this is the weekend to do it. I came close once, but I ended up at the airport and on the first international flight out the country. After 17 hours in first class I arrived in India. What a fucked up place that is. After watching people step over dying kids in the street I realized that for what ever its worth I will wake up every fucking Monday morning and go to work. I donate to charities, I donate to people I know that are in need and in trouble. I stumble through this fucked up life alone and lonely, knowing Im just one fuck up away from the end. How fucked up is that?

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