Hero Wanted

Hello, I’m Herowanted and thank you for applying for the position of hero. I am here this morning after a pathetically desperate attempt to seek help (after all, who answers their phone at two a.m.?!) and look for those capable of saving me. I’ll start with myself and then move on to a few questions. My story is, oh, so typical so I shall keep it short and sour:

My broken-home birth left my words solemn from the first sentence. The alcoholism, verbal abuse and, sometimes, accidental physical harm that came upon me lasted until my mid-teens and, by then, I’d learn to cut, drink, fuck and escape from the world inside… But not for long as any daddy-issue riddled girl will soon find out she has a soft spot for absolute jerk-wipes. After three harsh years being bullied by the states education staff I hyperventilated myself into a hole, which unsurprisingly for my track record was the location of my rape.

Transport yourself two years on and you find me emotionally and physically broken by a career that I adored. I picked myself off and moved to the next job that would take me. Unfortunately for me the male-dominated world of my new industry preyed on my need for value and I succumbed and found myself – you guessed it – up the Damien Duff. I guess the silver lining of this is that I don’t have a child yet I didn’t have an abortion – I miscarried. I miscarried and I suffered for the sudden lack of occupant in my newly nurturing body… I broke again.

And so it’s easy to understand why I went tee-total. I gave up sex and drugs to date a Christian overseas… Two months in he alerted my local authorities that I was a danger to myself and so I began on medication and he began controlling me. Here today, without his control on me anymore, I have taken ten days worth of my medication. I feel more numb than I did when I chose to take them, excepting the slight rumbling of my belly. I suppose for a minute I felt excited to prove Shakespeare wrong – conscience won’t make a coward of me! – but instead I find that my doctor has never trusted me with enough tablets to kill me. Screw my doctor, it’s all his fault now.

With my bitterness I turn to you for help, what can you do at two a.m. when meditation won’t put you to sleep, medication won’t kill you and you really cannot afford to keep drinking at the pace you’re going? I need support and I need it from those who understand. Please, be my hero?

Herowanted.