Is It Worth It

Honestly though, is life really worth it. Constantly being judged and having to go get hair cuts, ugh so much work. I would rather just skip school and watch American Horror Story all day, am I right? Exactly, but that’s not how life works. We need to work for what we have. I am 14 for crying out loud and I am terrified of the future. I have a shitty job at Tim Hortons and get $10 an hour to pour coffee and listen to all my customers ***** and complain that there no donuts and I forgot a spoon with their sandwich, I know right someone actually wanted a spoon with their sandwich. Seriously I am around food all day and I’m bulimic, you know how hard that is. At breaks I eat a donut and have some coffee. I get really  bloated and then I gain weight and in my head if I don’t throw up right after it wont come up, and I am right. I go home and try to throw up after my shower and voila nothing is there, just foam from my Arizona and brown shit from my coffee, along with the smell of nasty ass farts because I am lactose intolerant and there was crème in my coffee. Same shit different day, every single goddamn week. You think I like living with this struggle? Being around my friends who are skinny cunts. Just today I was looking at my friend and her thigh was the size of my forearm, MY FOREARM! You know how shitty that makes me feel when my thigh looks like the size of a abnormally large sized baby head. I go on google and look up how to lose weight fast and It says eat healthy, exercise, oh really? No fucking shit. The problem is I eat to much though why would I want to eat more, especially food that is going to be just as gross coming up as it was going down. Don’t get me wrong I love me some broccoli and other green stuff but just the feeling of it sliding up my throat makes me want to throw up, well maybe I should think about it more considering its hard to throw up. I am honestly so discouraged that I cant lose weight I am ready to take the bottle of sleeping pills in my moms room but I just read it would be painful and I am not one for pain so that’s a no go. All I am saying is I just want to die quick and painlessly. A gun to the head would work but guns are at least $100 and I spent my money on shoes so that ideas down the shitter along with the rest of my attitude. I don’t know what to tell you, I fucking hate the world and I will never ever ever bring a child into this world. You’re welcome future me, no more stretch marks and vagina stretching, you are free. I’m not free yet though. Please set me free.