sick

I’ve been going out with the same girl for over 5 years. Tonight, when everyone will be sleeping, this is gonna end. Those are simple words. Meaningless words for you all. But you don’t know. Nobody knows. You’re not breathing my absence of air right now. You’re not filled with these sharp sticks inside your stomach. You’re all in your own world and it doesn’t affect you at all. So why am I writting it ?

To distract myself, maybe. To pause the destructive emotions. To use Mr. Brain and forget about Mr Heart for few minutes.

She will cry a lot. She will definitly hate me. She won’t understand a thing, and I’ll be sorry too much. I’ll be the best coward possible, but it won’t be enough for her. There’s no sun left before the storm. This is do or die, and I still hope that I’m gonna chose do instead of die. But gosh.

I feel sick. I can’t stop caughing. I feel horrible. I’m gonna vomit. I don’t know what to do now, waiting for her to come back from work. I don’t know what to think about. I don’t know what I should be doing. If I should talk to someone, if I should take a walk or what. I feel I can’t even move. I want to be invisible. Inexistant.

God. Someone. Anyone. Anything. Please.