If you are reading this, please listen with an open heart.
My best friend committed suicide on March 14th. She had an account on this website that i just came across and she had posted asking about ways she could do it, and my already shattered heart broke a thousand times more as i read the comments telling her how. As much as apart of me wants to respond with so much anger to anyone who encouraged her in how to end her life, a bigger part of me also breaks for all the others who were in her same numb state. She had talked with people about how she had shut her friends out in order for us to not feel as much pain, and she had also hoped that no one would find out because of her not responding for so long. If only she truly knew how far from the truth that really was. We could never ever ever just forget her.. we were so worried that we weren’t hearing from her and when we found out what happened.. my heart physically broke in two. No matter who you are, or how you have been treated, you are a beautiful person with beautiful potential. There is always hope as hopeless as things may seem. I use to be suicidal myself and struggled with depression for four years. I once too felt like things would never change or never get better. If my beautiful friend would have truly known how loved she was and how broken we are all now because of how much we miss her and want her back, she would have never ended her life so soon when there was so much more time for things to get better.
I mean this with my entire heart — if you need someone to talk to, even if you feel like there could be no comfort from a stranger, I assure you I genuinely care about a life that could possibly be lost, even if I have never met you. Everyone has a story and that story doesn’t have to end early or so tragically.
There is more to life than what is going on currently.
I will never be the same after losing my friend, and the pain we are now all in is greater than my friend ever imagined.
You don’t realize how valuable and precious you are. Your life is worth so much. Don’t let your circumstance or the people and awful things around you determine how good or bad things will be.
If you need someone to talk to, please talk to me. Do not give up. THERE IS HOPE. No matter what. No matter who you are. My email is theldbproject@gmail.com
10 comments
You’re simply beautiful.
Sucks about your friend…
But life isn’t about being the same; it’s about changing.
Life isn’t about blind persistence in agonizing futility; it’s about Living.
You can say “there is hope,” but what does that really mean?
What is “hope,” really?
Unless there is a reasonably justified expectation of the right changes at the right times, then the only other estimation of one’s own future would have to be unappealing, perhaps unacceptable.
People get really tired of suffering perpetually with no chance to change what needs changing.
For some people, a “tragic” “premature” ending, is a far better option than a tragically, unnecessarily prolonged, torturous continuance, with no possibility of the right changes at the right times.
And i can assure you: “talking to someone” is not the answer. Talking to you, or anyone else, isn’t going to change what needs changing. Some of what needs changing, is often beyond our control; unfortunately, it’s also often the most important things, which can’t be changed.
“Hope” is just another carrot on a stick. You want to keep the mule chasing what it’ll never have; the mule knows this, is tired and tormented, and wants to stop.
Hope is a lie.
Suicide isn’t a “thing” that “gets you.” It’s an action a person takes, when they no longer want to remain a person, and is often made after extensive contemplation, and perhaps even acceptance of the possibility of facing an even worse existence in some “hereafter,” or even never existing again at all (as-in “forever”).
So, tell us more about this “hope.”
Hope for what, exactly? And why would it be good to hope irrationally, awaiting some fantastical event(s) that will NEVER occur? And how do you make someone happy, if the requirements of their happiness become, or always were, impossible?
I think by saying “there is hope,” you’re missing the point.
“I will never be the same after losing my friend, and the pain we are now all in is greater than my friend ever imagined.”
I don’t think you’re able to know such a thing. I’m sure your friend did indeed have a somewhat accurate estimation of how “devastated” people would be. I’m guessing it makes you feel better to think she “didn’t know” or “underestimated” what you all might feel… but it’s probably not true.
The truth is, the person in question was suffering, and instead of ACTUAL CHANGES being facilitated, for a person who was desperately in need of changes, she was most likely treated with disregard, apathy, and such trite cliches as “there is hope.” You can claim there is hope, but that doesn’t mean anything. Other people might have hope, and their hopes might be legit… but you can’t go around expecting that telling people “there is hope” is going to change shit… if you don’t actually change shit.
The only worthwhile solution to the suicide problem, is to make the world not suck so much, for anyone. Some people get treated like fucking garbage, for little or no reason, and have no way to fix what causes it, and eventually exceed their own coping capacity.
You wouldn’t want to live a tortured existence; don’t demand it of anyone else.
I respect and admires the OP’s efforts to reach out and help people.
But Clevername made an extremely valid point.
Hope is a lie.
very sweet
” “Hope†is just another carrot on a stick. You want to keep the mule chasing what it’ll never have; the mule knows this, is tired and tormented, and wants to stop. ”
Yeah, that is pretty much how I see “hope” as well. When everything you do to try to bring that hope to fruition is in vain, you just get tired. Failure to reach, or even just approach that hope, is just another defeat. So, for some, holding onto hope just increases suffering.
So, what is “hope”? I guess for me, it would be my ultimate goal, the place I want to be, what I want from life, a reason to live. So I hold to the “hope” I find a reason to live, which basically means finding a larger “hope” that I can aim towards with at least some belief that I can actually reach it. If I can’t make this small “hope” into a reality, what are my chances of making a larger “hope” into reality. But right now, it’s all I got.
I guess i’m saying, hope is like a goal. If a goal is unattainable, you don’t set it. If a hope is unattainable, you don’t hold to it. Then it becomes what you can deal with, holding onto hope and suffering as it never materializes, or having no hope at all.
Very well said, as usual, clevername. But thanks for the kind gesture at any rate, OP.
Realistically, we live in a hopeless world and yes you are very right – this world is extremely broken and dark and full of lots of pain. But to say there is “no hope†I know is 100% not true, because how could you say that to someone who was once suicidal themself and thought there was no hope and that I would “NEVER†change and thought things would “NEVER†get better. Those are all feelings that feel like they have a lot of truth in them because of how overwhelming they are. After struggling with depression for years I can now truthfully say I haven’t struggled with depression for over 3 years. Because I found hope in the midst of all the dark seemingly hopeless things around me, and that is because I put my hope in something bigger than myself, someone that is outside of this world, and bigger than any emotion or situation. God is the only one who truly can fully understand us or get us, or give us the strength to overcome what we face in this world. So yes, there is hope. And I have found it and clung to it and it has changed my life, and I know it can change anyone else’s life as well, no matter who they are or what they have been through.
And also, it isn’t a lie that my friend underestimated the pain we would be in.. we found emails of her talking to people from this website and she explained how she shut us out so we would be in less pain and that we would gradually just forget about her after her not responding for so long, she said she thought we probably wouldn’t find out because her family doesn’t know her friends very well.. the night it happened before it did her sister called me right away when they were worried.. and i found out the next morning through her family falling apart going to whoever they could. She also had said she would rather us not have a funeral and make a big deal about it and not be sad for too long… all of these statements show how much she truly had no idea how we could possibly not ever just forget about her no matter how long she stopped responding.. and that of course her family would contact whoever they needed to to find out more info. She didn’t know how loved she truly was and how much everyone really cared about her, so you not knowing anything of the situation kinda don’t really know what your talking about.
They say that hope springs eternal.
But even if it does run out you can always live to spite them.
And by “them” I literally mean whoever is fucking with you (i.e. family/friends/loved-ones/fate).
But then…some mawkish individual will just go and say “Who wants to live like that?” or “I don’t want to lead a hateful life.”
To which I would reply, “Wake the fuck up. You already do.”
At least glory in it and let it drive you to succeed at well–anything you put your mind to. Even if your goals aren’t entirely ethical. Go for it.
Might as well, if you feel like you have nothing to lose.
But then again, I’m not really speaking to the people out there who want walk into the forest and hang themselves. Or anyone else who wants to go quietly and just disappear off the earth. Hey, if you want your existence erased from the world, I can’t help you find a reason to keep going.
If you’d like to do it in style, let’s talk. If you want to be remembered… Hell if you want anything at all before you die, then go for it. Even if you have nothing left to lose.
Is facing your fears really worse than dying? No. Before you go to kill yourself. At least ask yourself, “Well I have nothing left to lose, why not do something I have always wanted to do before I go kill myself?”
Hell, I can think of a few things right now that I would like to do that will probably end up in me dying anyway. Two birds with one stone and such.
But I really can’t take it when people just want to slit their wrists and die without putting up a REAL PROPER FIGHT.
Your feelings can only hurt for so long until you get angry. And only an ingrate wastes valuable hatred on self-harming, instead of channeling it to some other useful purpose.
clevername does have a good point, but did make a mistake. “Hope is a lie” is too much of an absolute statement in a world of uncertainty.
It is true, we are attempting to predict (“estimating”) our future. We do our best to be as realistic about it as possible. The problem is the information we use to come to our conclusions may be inaccurate or missing. In fact, we are always missing something, otherwise that would mean we know everything that is going to happen to us!
In any case, we are taking our best guess at our futures. Some of us feel more or less certain about it than others, and some of us don’t want to suffer just for that possibility that things *might* get better. Who wants to suffer for decades only to find out their initial prediction was right? Perhaps being depressed for 20 years isn’t worth the happiness that you’ll get for the remainder of your life. Everyone makes their own choices and weighs everything to their own internal scales.
I think people blow death and suicide out of proportion. It’s important to realize death is inevitable. Sure suicide results in premature death, but so do many other things.
One thing is for certain, ldpproject. Your friend cared about you. She wouldn’t have tried distancing herself otherwise. It may have been in vain, but it was all she could think to do. I don’t know what her reason was, but she must have been suffering a lot to let go of such a good friend. I wish I had friends like you.
You survived 3 years of depression. Congratulations! I’m at 6 years and still going, myself. I usually expect the chances of recovery to decrease with time, so I’m happy to hear you saved your life! Perhaps you could share your success story with the rest of us?