I have been sitting here reading your posts and I want to break down and weep for all of you. I wish I could give each of you a hug and tell you how much I care and how my heart breaks over the pain you feel. I don’t know you, but I love you. You are worthy of love and you are worthy of life. You are worth it. I understand how difficult life can be, I have attempted suicide, but I have learned to love myself, so can you. It seems like no one is there to listen, but I am here. If you need anything, resources, information, or just someone to talk to, I will be here for you. You can email me at ashley68@q.com. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, it’s never too late to live, laugh, and love….and heal.
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What do you do when you simply don’t want to bear the emotions of life any longer?
When you simply wish for this nightmare of an existence to end, so you no longer have to be jealous, angry, lonely, or sad?
What do you do when the only people you can talk to are others who share that wish to be free?
I’m just curious to hear your answers. And I’m not trying to be an ass. I really want to know your options.
Opinions*. One day I’ll figure out how to edit my posts, but today is not that day.
“Worthy of love” – please forgive my cynicism. I believed that once when someone I cared for and trusted more than anyone on the planet told me I was worthy of the love I deserved. Then she dumped me for a fucking child molester.
The only love I’ve believed I deserve since then was the loving muzzle flash of a Walther PPK about a quarter-inch from my right temple.
Huh – James Bond would surely approve of your choice of weapon. I’m more of a “Big Iron” fella myself, and would prefer the stainless steel barrel of a. 357 Colt Python up against my temple. The finest revolver ever made, and they don’t even manufacture them anymore. I’d die a happy man if I ever sourced one of those.
@OP – Good luck with your crusade. You’re going to need it.
@Gene: It isn’t always easy, I guess I started feeling better when I tried looking at things differently. I used to focus so intently on my suffering that I would end up worse. I try really hard now to focus on all of the good instead of the bad. I put color coded stickers all over the place to remind me to take a break and breathe or (stupid as it sounds) a positive affirmation. I still struggle from time to time, but I am happy that I stayed. I help myself when I help others.
@ nozmoking: Pardon my French, but she sounds like a stupid *****. I have been through my share of pieces of shit, and hated myself because of them, but it was their loss. Once I figured out that I truly was worthy of love, I found a great guy. Now we’re married. The choice is yours of course, I just wanted to let people know that I give a shit in case they were apprehensive. You are worthy of love, sorry you don’t know that.
@ Sheppard: Thanks, I think I will need some luck, and time is apparently not on my side lol. But, if a shit ton of pills, 3 pints of my blood on the floor, or an extremely uncomfortable strained neck didn’t stop me, cynicism won’t either. I appreciate your concern though. Good luck on your quest as well, I hope you are as lucky as I have been.
This site seems like the hardest way to make a difference. Seemingly empty words from a voiceless, faceless person. It’s hard to believe someone cares when they don’t know anything about you.
The darkness is a hard thing to fight for the person who is in it. Anyone who tries to get involved only ends up getting dragged into it. That’s about the time that you realize it isn’t worth it and you ditch them to protect yourself.
The people you are talking to have heard all this rhetoric before. “It gets better” or some variant or other. It gets ignored immediately.
I think the biggest problem with people like you (I don’t mean this offensively) is that you are trying to help more people than you can actually properly devote time to, and you are not willing to risk making yourself vulnerable to the people you are trying to help. I think a lot of people on here feel disconnected from others and that distance is not resolved by superficial relationships and catchphrases. That’s why they come here – to feel connected to people with similar problems, but other negative people aren’t really going to help them. They need deep, positive connections.
@ Death,
I can appreciate your philosophy, I used to feel the same way. I understand that I will be ignored and that is okay too. I am a voiceless, faceless person for now, but if I can reach one, just one person, then that is good enough for me. I used to hate people and I hated myself, that is why I tried to leave this world so many times. I tried everything I could to numb myself to this fucked up world. The world, of course, is still fucked up, but I have learned to love people. All of the ugliness in the world is a result of sick people. Maybe they feel alone, maybe they’ve been shit on, maybe they are all just like me. When I started to consider how similar I might be to others, I felt less alone. I thought, fuck it if I can’t die I will do my best to change things. I mean, how can I complain if I don’t try to change it? I don’t know you, but I do love you because I see myself in you. I see your pain and I understand what it is like to live in hell. I will make time for anyone who wants it, and I hope to even meet some of the people I have spoken to in person one day. I will never give of myself that of which I cannot afford. I will cry for you tonight and hope that you do not feel alone in this hateful world.