I don’t know..?

I don’t know if anyone reads this, I hope so.

I don’t know what I’m feeling, I’m empty. I’ve had a depression, It’s been gone, but now I think it’s coming back. Last time I had it was actually around christmas, I wouldn’t live anymore. It’s wierd you know, being happy about life,but then some things happen and boom, you just want to die. In January I told my teacher, that I’ve been sad in a long time, and that I wouldn’t live anymore, that I didn’t care about anything or anyone. Luckily I have this really good friend, she told me to talk with someone, and I talk about that later

About that time my exboyfriend and I got back together, he’s a really good boy, you know, he is that kind of person that would do anything for you. I’m so happy that I got to meet him and I got to know him, I was so lucky that he loved me. But somehow I broke his heart again, we’ve been together many times, and every time it’s me that’s screwing it up time after time. I love him, you have no idea. I see him in school everyday, and my friends keep saying that I should get over him, find new ones and that there was a reason why I stopped it. But the truth is, that there wasn’t a reason why I ended it, I think things were going too fast, I couldn’t handle it, and I’m probably never going to find someone like him, haha never ever, and I know that I’m no good for him.

Back to that depression. The ones I’ve talked with, thought I was someone desperate that need attention, so it helped for like a week or something like that, but he helped, he really helped me through all of it and I’m so thankful. The point is I kind of need him now, but I don’t even speak with him. I can’t write him a message like a used to. I’m the one of the you know popular girl, so everyone thinks that my life is sooo easy, that I get everything I want, but they should try my life for a day all the thoughts, all the pressure, I’m sure they couldn’t handle it. So like I said previously I think the depression is coming back, and this time I don’t really think I’m going to stop it. This time I will die, and won’t let anybody stop me. I wish he would see all the things I write about him, maybe he would love me again, but he don’t see any of it and it makes me sad

Please… someone help