the only thing multiple overdoses, slicing my body to shreds And smacking my head against walls has done is bring negativity. any problems of insecurity I had have gotten worse from the amount of scars I have and the vomiting has fucked my body shape. the overdosing has made me get sick often and feel “not all there”.
not only is my physical body suffering from that but my soul is to. The more you lose the battle the more of yourself you lose… And all I can say is from the time I’ve spent reading, meditating.. this isn’t as bad as it gets.. I can promise you all, I’ve thought I felt the worse I could ever feel.. I’ve felt like an empty body , I’ve felt like there is nothing left.. But it only gets worse on the other side.. Suicide is not the answer my friends.. As much as it calls us all from time to time, when it’s “over” it’s not really over..you really think life would make it that easy for us?.. You’re wrong.
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Well you message is positive > Dont do it < but your example is not so positive. I mean there are other more logical and sane ways for a person to put an end to them selves other then banging their head or gashing themselves up. there is a difference between putting an end to oneself vs. beating oneself up.
My point was, the world after this is not kinda to those who end there life.
I’m not trying to be pessimistic or anything, and I’ve been a Christian for all of my life, but what happens when there’s not a “world after this”? Are we just ending our current pain and hoping for there to be a second chance? A second try? Even if you believe that, seriously. (I do.) It’s a lot better to be aware of the possibility, then live life like it’s your only and last chance. A lot of things in life are like that. Olympic runners train for years, but it doesn’t matter when you hit the asphalt. All that matters is those few moments in which you make it or you… fail. If you run life like it’s a race, and these are the moments that matter, these fleeting moments, then they’ll feel a lot more exhilarating. In the past, I’ve thought of suicide. But I always look at this quote, and it keeps me going:
“My country did not send me 11,000 kilometers to start the Olympic Marathon. They sent me here to finish it.”
-John Stephen Akhwari
To sum it up, think of it as having one chance. Your sole mission is not to be born- in fact, that’s a fairly common occurrence. 😉 That’s not to say AT ALL that suicide is an act of cowardice, but it is to say that neither is living.
See, I’m not a Christian at all. Seven planes up, seven planes downnnnn
Hey Brutus, I’ve been a Christian all of my life, too. And I am here to tell you that NONE of suicide is cowardice….it takes a strong person to overcome the natural instinct for self preservation and move on to the next life.
I’m 59 years old and I do NOT, for ONE SECOND, buy into the fundamentalist concept of hell. I was raised Southern Baptist and by the grace of God found the Episcopal Church in my mid 40’s…after decades of self hate inflicted on me my the SBC. I didn’t develop suicidal ideation until after major heart surgery brought on MDD 5 years ago.
If I choose to end my earthly life because of my depression, God will help me understand the ramifications of what I chose to do in the throws of illness. In His healing I will be able to take responsibility and reconcile my soul with Him….and then I will move on to the love of my Creator.
That is what I believe. I don’t insist anyone else believe it.
hi bayareaguy, i was wondering about what you said about the concept of hell. that’s actually one of the things that i’m confused about. not to berate you or anything, i’m just really honestly curious. if there’s a hell, then it goes that there’s a God right?.. so if there is a God, then how come it seems like He’s not listening at all?..
Candyapple, you ask some questions for which I do not believe there are definitive answers. All I can do is share what I believe.
As a person of faith I believe my Creator has given me responsibility for my own life and my choices. Sometimes we are affected by things outside of our control (such as illness or violence) and what we then become responsible for is how we deal with how those things affect us. We read, all of the time, about people who have terrible things happen to them and how they have risen above the tragedy. On the flip side, we hear about people who simply do not have the tools to do that. Why this happens is very complicated and I don’t want to write a novel here. I feel that what we have to work with what we have in our tool box, and that is depends on a complicated mixture of personal choices to things we can control as well as some we cannot. But I believe God gives us free reign. I feel these words are really inadequate and an over simplification of something that is too big for our human minds to really understand…..that’s why its called faith. 🙂
I don’t believe that God does not listen….I believe we can, and do, refuse to see or hear His voice because we are not getting the answers we want or are so blinded by things we cannot see or hear and that understanding often comes at a later time. I know this is true for me.
Since I don’t believe in hell in the fundamentalist sense, I don’t believe that in order to believe in God I must also believe in hell. I believe we can choose to separate ourselves from God in life and in death…and, perhaps, that chosen separation when we die is what some people consider hell…..I don’t know.
Even as a Christian, I believe God exists in other faith traditions….God/Creator is way too big to be limited to only one tradition.
It has taken me 50 years to come to my own understanding and beliefs. They are not conventional Christian beliefs, some would say. But that doesn’t matter to me. I neither seek or desire the approval or consent of others for what I believe. I will always respect the belief or nonbelief of others, as long as their beliefs (nonbelief is actually a belief system) do not promote hate, disrespect or attack the dignity of others.
I hope I haven’t confused you even more. 🙂
bayareaguy, I’ve thought about those possibilities before, but I’ve often wondered how severely mentally ill/disabled patients fit in to all this. Schizophrenics, for example, are not able to make reasonable choices because they are caught up in the delusions that they have no control over. These people don’t really have much in the way of choices.
Without a fully functioning mind, can you really be said to have free will?
DeathFinalfrontier…..no, I don’t think they can be said to have true free will….again, lots of complications and moving pieces….A Schizophrenic can choose to stop taking meds that keep their illness under control….is that free will? I have a close relative who is Schizophrenic and he can be quite manipulative. He knows exactly what he is doing when he pushes buttons…free will? He admits he engages in certain behaviors to get a rise out of people. And then he can be frighteningly ill and really not know what he is doing or saying. Usually when he’s off his meds. So there was a choice he made that got him to that point….and then he is incapable of rational choice (esp when in the psych ward of the VA hospital).
Sigh…..as I said, there is no one definitive answer.