The last memories
He made the excuses
It was his choice; he sent the second message only cause he was going through the same as I was in a way. I just thought he never listened what I had told him. The third message he was right to think of me as a bad guy and after the second message, he stopped caring. The forth message, I confessed, I told him the truth, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. I told him a lie as well just because i was desperate for the truth from him. He never told me anything, I just wanted him to talk to me. When he did reply back, he blamed everything on me, truthfully I intended that to happen.
Reality, the only reason why I was so hurt, angry and disappointed was that all this time, I still thought we were still close. If he ever felt like he needed to get things off his chest, if he felt like he had enough of me, he could have told me. He could have screamed and yelled and showed every single feeling he had for me. He could have told me straight-forward, instead of having other people do his responsibilities. It sucked that I was also the last person to know about what had occurred back a few years ago. I never even thought he had personal problems. The outcome really sucked, only cause everything I tried to do right, was just too late. He didn’t trust me; he couldn’t.
My heart perished when I heard him complain and whine like a child, while his mother tried to hand the phone to him. And the only reason I won’t call him now or try to talk to him first, is that I am scared. Personally, there would be nothing to talk about with him.
The reason I left cause it was my choice, I am that hurt and ashamed from both our mistakes.
I used to believe expressing my feelings and showing how much I cared for another was the right thing to do. But now, I fear it is pointless; that it is worthless and very wasteful. As much as I didn’t want to clear things out, I did and now I truly understand the real truth. I am tired now cause I don’t care anymore. It is pointless to try, cause all that I remembered and cherished the most had been replaced with how everything ended. No one will ever understand how much I cared, how much I cherished everything, nobody knew; including him, how much of a pain it was. No one else was there, except us.
One thing that will never change, if anyone tried to hurt him, they’d had to pass me first. I would take a bullet for him any day. I rather sacrifice my life for someone else. Maybe he’d finally understand.