the reason I want to die so much

my whole life hasnt been easy it started when I was 2 my dad hung himself in his office at work I dont remember him except this one time we wer watching racing on tv i was on his lap thats all I remember of him then at age 6 my sisters boyfriend touched me I was too young to understand what happened but when he was caught doing it to another kid he was arrested police asked me but I was too scared,of what people would think of me he went to prison for 2 years then at age 8 we moved from my only friend his name was robert ive never seen him since, we did everything together we defended eachother he was like a brother to me then at age 11 we moved to ireland a place where I knew no one and at 12 I lost the ability to talk to others my anxiety is so bad now I can barely talk to strangers now and when I was 14 my brothers ex was living with us and I had always liked her so we dated secretely and I lost my virginity to her then I found out she only ptetended to like me so I would sleep with her and get her pregnabt cos she had lied to people about being pregnant except she didnt get pregnant luckily and when I found out I cried anf that was the last time I cried since then ive been numb inside 🙁 that,was when the major depression started I held it together for 2 years but at 16 I started cutting my wrists because I needed a release so I cut myself then recently at 17 I overdosed I tool all the painkillers I could find and ended up in hospital on a drip to prevent liver damage and here I am still alive 🙁